The Cloud of Unknowing

Fickle as the Wind

2012-02-08T18:22:00.000-08:00

Old people are fickle. Last week I was swung at, yelled at, and sworn at. This week I have received so many compliments that my head has begun to swell to massive proportions.
"What a tight, young body you have." (That's right)
"My dear, you just keep getting better looking each time I see you" (I did shower this morning)
"What a lovely outfit you have on" (I was wearing scrubs, ugh)

My brain is also quite fickle.
"Holy moly I'm getting married!"
"Huh? I'm getting married? Noooo way"
"#!&$%".
"I love this fricken boy, I can't wait to build my life with him".
"Say what?" *blank stare*

Apparently this new stage of life is still settling in.

I've been reading this book called, "Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married". I'm trying to glean as much wisdom as I can from other people's experiences.

Lesson for today, "All of us are human and humans sometimes do and say things that are demeaning to other people." You're saying I can't be the perfect partner and say the right thing all the time? Oh poop.

Any wisdom to share for a scared, excited, happy girl who gets to marry a cute boy in seven and a half months?

A Cute Song of a Flirtatious Nature

2012-01-23T16:41:00.000-08:00

2012-01-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

January happenings:

1. Got rehired at the nursing home. I had a brief hiatus as my term position was ended, and I was able to apply for a different position.

2. Got a car. Well sort of. It resides in BC for now.

3. Got engaged to a wonderful, kind, clever boy, who fills my heart with joy.

This is the view we were privy to, whilst Yuri asked me to be his partner in crime.

This is us a short 24 hours after on New Years Eve.

FRICKING AWESOME!

Spots of Green

2011-11-22T19:28:00.000-08:00

Does it ever feel as though your life moves in a cyclical process as opposed to a linear movement?

I have officially exceeded the amount of time between degrees...that sentence sounds unnecessarily complex. In other words, it's the longest amount of time I have spent not in school. Since I was 5 years old of course.

I thought I would never want to look at another syllabus again, and yet here I am dreaming of another field of study I might like to pursue:

Horticulture.

I want to grow plants.

Pretty ones.

Delicious ones.

Aromatic ones.

An irrational dream to have at December's doorstep. Or is it...

Here are some exciting ways that I've assembled to beat the winter blues and spread a little happy green.

1. The ever faithful, Houseplant. I currently have 8 plants that I am tendering, although they say you can never have too many.

2. Terrariums. My sister, mom and I have attempted these and failed. Although I believe there is hope for YOU. If you are uncertain what a terrarium, and would like to know, is click the link.

3. Forcing bulbs. I always like this idea, but have yet to bring it into being. I'm thinking of taking the easy way out and buying bulbs that don't need the chilling process, and can be planted immediately, such as the Amaryllis and Paperwhite Narcissus.

4. Planning your spring garden. This usually just increases my impatience, but it can provide sparks of creativity. My new house has a backyard that has 3 raised beds, in which I feel much good can be accomplished.

5. Lastly (but not really because I'm sure there are lots of other great ideas out there), I suggest buying cut flowers for your table. I know they die really fast, but during a particularly dark shade of blue they can provide a bright spot of warmth and inspiration.

Jennie Attempts to be Technological

2011-09-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

After the sad realization that playlist.com had decided to cater only to American subscribers, I decided to search the web for alternative methods of forcing music down people's ears.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

I came up with Streampad...which is a decidedly frustrating device for a simple girl like myself, but it works...sort of. Please let me know if there is a far easier, less time consuming alternative out there in the vast world wide web.

Jordan Klassen (Go To Me)

Go On

2011-09-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

Autumn is on its way. Despite the favourable temperatures this past week it is clear summer is coming to an end in the subtle changing of leaves and the crisp early mornings.

Ahh September. The month of new beginnings.

Some of Jennie's Autumn news:

1. Moved to a lovely little house with a spiral staircase and an attic nook where I can hide away from the world when need be.

2. Bought a coffee plant. I aspire for it to eventually grow beans.

3. Bought a dining room table which oddly felt like my biggest adult decision yet.

4. Turned 25 years of age. Ah, quarter of a century, you cause great reflection on the meaning of life.

5. Listened to some great bands.

I dedicate this lil' song to my friend Laura who has embarked on an exciting new journey.

2011-07-27T21:20:00.001-07:00

I'm reminiscing my west coast holiday by listening to some Fleet Foxes.

Ahh, holidays..you were good to me.

A lil' Update

2011-07-06T06:52:00.005-07:00

Alas, I have not been a consistent blogger as of late.

Some rather noteworthy events have occurred which I neglected to share, mainly:

1. My niece turned 5 months old.

2. My dating relationship turned 5 months old.

3. I went to Toronto and was in awe of Niagara Falls, strutted my stuff down Yonge Street, rode on the subway, braved the glass floor at the CN tower, peaked my head in the CBC broadcasting headquarters (I tried to get a glimpse of Jian Ghomeshi but to no avail), and yes dad, made a trip to the sky dome. I also attempted to speak Russian to Yuri's parents, and ended up calling them a "goat".

4. I celebrated the wedding of my dear friend Charis to her darling Rick.

5. I am attempting to grow my first eggplant.

6. I went kayaking for the first time and did not die or fall out.

2011-05-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

This evening I was walking in downtown Winnipeg. In the midst of gentle rain, fresh green leaves, and the hurried pace of people on sidewalks this song began to play on my ipod. It was an illuminating moment. "The cup that was empty is slowly filling up."

"country it was taken, land dug up
families were broken, spirits were crushed
the language that was silenced, is now free to be passed
the cup that was empty, is slowly filling up"

2011-05-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

"I believe art is utterly important. It is one of the things that could save us. We don't have to rely totally on experience if we can do things in our imagination. ... It's the only way in which you can live more lives than your own. You can escape your own time, your own sensibility, your own narrowness of vision."
-Excerpt of an interview with Mary Oliver

Went for a hike

2011-05-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

"We need the tonic of wildness... We can never have enough of nature." -- Henry David Thoreau

2011-04-11T08:09:00.001-07:00

2011-04-05T19:34:00.001-07:00

It was an exciting day at the nursing home, as we had the West End Cloggers come and perform some special dance numbers.

In case you are not familiar with clogging, as I was not, I have included a you tube video. The majority of the residents who I invited to attend were not familiar with the clog dance. "Fogging? What's that?!" I resorted to explaining the event as "women dancers"...which incidently helped to increase the audience numbers.

NOTE: The West End Cloggers are not young, agile men, but rather women in their more formative years. I was personally quite impressed with their moves...

Don't Hesitate

2011-03-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.” ~Mary Oliver

Energy

2011-03-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

Along with the sunny weather and warmer temperatures, my energy is slowly returning! What a wonderful feeling to return home from work, and feel like I could do something other than sleep. Not that sleeping is bad...I'm a big fan of sleep...but there are other things in life that I enjoy.

Things like...my beautiful baby niece! Check out this video clip of her cuteness...

Things like...thinking of what seedlings I wish to start in my indoor garden.

Things like...Going for walks for reasons other than catching the bus.

2011-03-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

I have mono. It kind of sucks.

Right now I feel like I could sleep forever.

I am mollified to know that the past couple of weeks of feverish sick days have an explanation.

Fish Heads: To the doctor who diagnosed me in 5.8 seconds with scarlet fever without doing a throat swab, and got me to take penicillin (which I found out later I am allergic to...).

Flowers: To the nice doctor who took my blood and did a proper throat swab, and discovered that I actually have an untreatable virus.

Fish Heads: To the cars that don't slow down whilst driving through puddles. I like taking showers, just not from the spray of your speeding vehicle.

Flowers: To the tentative arrival of spring.

Flowers: To the cute boy who brings me chocolate and vitamins.

Flowers: To the compassionate coworkers who care about my well-being and force me to go to the clinic when I have a hideous looking rash.

Flowers: To the empathetic family who loves me even though they forgot to tell me that I have an allergy to penicillin.

Flowers: To having a week off to sleep and read, and reflect on the beauty and joy in life.

New Beginnings...

2011-03-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

Where it's at...

2011-02-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

I had such a restful weekend after a bout of sickness, that I decided to celebrate with a dance party. In my bedroom. Just me and Katy...

"boom boom boom."

Nursing home quote of the week:
Elderly male resident remarks, "If I were 10 years younger, I'd marry you."

This is why I work at a nursing home...the daily ego boost is pretty spectacular.

My Dandylion

2011-02-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Chloe Anika was born! A precious baby niece for me to cuddle, play with, and read stories to.

Best Workout Songs

2011-01-16T19:22:00.004-08:00

The other day CBC Radio 2 asked listeners what their favourite music is to work out to. I have been attempting as of late to go to the gym and get into some sort of shape, so this has been a perplexing question for me. What music do I best jiggle and jump to?

Here is a list of some of my recent top fav's to pound the ground to:

1. Dog days are over - Florence and the Machine

2. Wolf Like Me - TV on the Radio

3. You Make my Dreams Come True - Hall + Oates

4. Float On - Modest Mouse

5. Arc of Time - Bright Eyes

6. Gimme Sympathy - Metric

7. King of Spain - The Tallest Man on Earth

8. 1901 - Phoenix

9. Sprawl II - Arcade Fire

10. This Thing About You - Miracle Fortress

Honourable Mentions:
The Rural Alberta Advantage, Black Eyed Peas, Anberlin, and Pink.

Cyber friends, any music that you love to groove and move to? I would love to add some new tunes to the ol' ipod! Please share!

Confession: I hate thinking of titles

2011-01-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

1. I had four different activity options scheduled for this evening (which is a pretty intense smorgasbord for an introvert), and honestly I didn't really feel like doing any of them...and then when they all fell through I was left feeling slightly disgruntled.

I suppose this is the result of the completion of a very busy time during which my alone time was vastly limited, and I am now experiencing something akin to having one's stomach stretched when they eat large amounts of food, and then in the proceeding days regular meals cannot stifle the hunger pains...

2. Two of my plants died over the Christmas break. It is slightly depressing to arrive home and discover decomposing plants on your desk.

3. I'm making a lot of spelling mistakes tonight. Misspelled words are a personal pet peeve of mine.
Ah well.

Ring the bells that can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Leonard Cohen

Thanks Leonard. I feel better now.

4. Last night my brother, sister, Chuck and I watched "The Social Network". The dialogue was fast-paced and witty. The logical (generally offensive) eruptions from the main character were well placed. The computer jargon was clearly over my head. But I enjoyed it nevertheless.

5. I'm trying to "force" tulip bulbs. Tulips are my favourite flower ever since I was given a tulip bulb in grade 2, planted it in my front yard, and it bloomed every year despite the hungry deer and my dad's lawn mowing.

6. I played Clue with my siblings this past week. I have a general aversion to board games.I prefer word games such as Scrabble, Balderdash, or Apples to Apples. However my siblings are all logical, left brained creatures, and I am left in the dust whenever they play strategy games such as Risk or Settlers of Catan, etc. Anyway, I decided to face my board game fears and play a game of Clue. Clue is relatively gentle, no countries are dominated in this game, just plain, old-fashioned murder. The game began in a normal manner until Lindsay decided to take a "stab" at guessing who-done-it. As she pulled out the cards, and looked flabbergasted at what was in her hand, I slowly came to the conclusion that I had two of the three cards that she had just guessed, and that I had forgotten all about them, despite the repeated suggestions that Mr. Green had done it in the Living Room. The murder that is.

Whoopsie. At least I tried.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

I realize that Christmas day is past, and we have now moved into "Boxing Week", a celebration of collective consumerism; however, I would like to share holiday greetings with my cyber friends. I hope that you were able to experience a little warmth and cheer this Christmas season.

I am heartily enjoying my holiday with my family in Kamloops...curling up by the faux fireplace, going for walks in +9 weather, drinking my dad's lattes...

In preparation for the new year, I have a couple of confessions I need to express:

1. My dad and I went to the Apple store on Christmas Eve and now I am dreaming at night about the macbook air...Such a slender frame with a lovely glossy screen. And the weight! A mere 2.7 pounds! I need the macbook to help me round out my image as an artsy, indie nerd. I got the dark framed glasses and the awkward, quiet persona...so I'm almost there!

2. I created a profile on EHarmony. What began as a silly joke has turned into a passionate pursuit for my one true love. Seriously.

3. My parents usually go to bed at approximately 8pm, hence I am left alone in the evenings with my book, the remote control, and a box of chocolates. Last night I watched Sarah Palin's Alaskan Adventures on TV whilst eating coconut ferrero rochers. Anyway, it's a pretty great show. Action, family dynamics, and kids with really strange names.

4. The week before I flew home I went to the gym 4 times. This phenomenon is mostly due to the encouragement of my friend Angie who used to be a personal trainer. She says nice things to me, like "Go Jennie! Pump that iron". However, I'm pretty sure I reversed any muscular progress in a mere 24 hours.

In all seriousness, I wish you a mug of relaxation, with a dollop of adventure and a sprinkling of new perspective.

Above all, may you experience the awareness that you are loved this holiday season.

2010-12-11T08:06:00.000-08:00

A glimpse into my head

2010-12-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

Scary title I know...

I was reading over my journal this morning, and came across an entry that I wrote almost exactly a year ago...Reading it renewed my thankfulness for the passage of time, change, and particularly the fact that I am no longer in school.

Prepare yourself...it is honest and slightly depressing:

An Excerpt from Jennie's Journal
Listening to: The Acorn
Mood: Exhausted, pensive, troubled, sad…too many words needed to describe my emotions tonight.

I am exhausted and don’t really understand why I am awake. Just need time to sit and think and regain my sense of self. Feeling pretty out of sorts lately. Like nothing is going right. Had some hard stuff happen this week. Maybe I will feel more motivated to share about them on a different day.

A busy week. I wrote two papers, prepared for a presentation, went to class, went to work, went to practicum, missed my bus, spilled chai tea all over myself and the floor...

Tonight I watched Anne of Green Gables with Bethany and laughed at how things just seemed to happen to her (just like me) and she could see a lot of the negativity, when in the end things worked out really well.

I hope things start turning out well for me.

I hope I can find 2200 dollars by Monday.

I am scared to hope.

Thank you for music and friends and family.

Sigh. I can’t help but cling to the fact that things are going to get better. They are right? Please? Gasp. I am so tired. I hate writing papers. I hate going to practicum and feeling as though I am completely inadequate.

Reading some Henri Nouwen.

In case you cared.

Learning about the power of fear, and realizing that the thing I fear most is rejection. Ouch. It hurts, it stings, it stays with me for a very long time. Just when I think I have gotten better, stronger, I find out that I am still a teenager in my obsessive self-disregard. I care too much about what people think. And it hurts.

It hurts.

I forgot to order the decaf

2010-12-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

I went to Starbucks with my friend Janna tonight and I totally thought that I had ordered the decaf Gingerbread Latte. It is clear now that I didn't.

I love coffee.

I also love sleeping.

Sigh.

On the positive side, I don't have to work tomorrow.

I'm listening to ol' Corey tonight, sitting in front of my heater, and applying Burt's Bees lip chap every so often. This is indeed the good life.

2010-11-27T13:51:00.000-08:00

Shine on the ones I love

2010-11-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

I see the moon the moon sees me
Down through the leaves of the old oak tree
Back where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the ones I love

Over the mountain over the sea
Back where my heart is longing to be
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the ones I love
Please let the light that shines on me
Shine on the ones I love

I kissed the rose the rose kissed me
Fragrant as only a rose can be
Please take the kiss that comforts me
Back to the ones I love

Stuff

2010-11-16T18:11:00.000-08:00

* I think I would like to go to the Bodies Exhibit.

* I received 2 marriage proposals yesterday. Both from married men. Both from men over 80. One of the gentlemen remarked, "Where you go, I will go". I hated to point out that this was one promise he would not be likely to keep.

* I booked my flights to go home for Christmas and I'm bringing my little brother back to Winnipeg with me for a visit.

* I had a terrible dream two nights ago, and it involved several of the elderly residents and I in prison together...it wasn't pretty. There was vomit and fistfights.

* I now have a little heater in my room, and it is making my world a happier place.

* I have already managed to loose my mittens, and it hasn't even snowed yet. This is probably a record, and yet somehow not surprising.

* I have been listening to Aqualung lately.

Autumn Tunes

2010-11-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

Do you ever look back on your life and connect certain life experiences to the music you were listening to at the time? As Autumn is now in full swing I thought I would share some of the music that I have been enjoying in this season of my life.

1. Arcade Fire: I have been greatly enjoying their lastest album.

2. The National: I just love his voice. Sigh.

3. Jordan Klassen: I keep playing "Harvest March" over and over. "Where oh death, is your sting, is your victory?"

4. Peter Broderick: Pure, contemplative beauty.

5. Passion Pit: They warm my heart.

6. Freelance Whales: I feel creative just listening to them. I love watching them perform as they are constantly switching instruments.

7. Noah and the Whale: They sing to a certain part of my soul.

8. Said the Whale: I think they are just such a nifty band. Plus they are Canadian. Plus they are from BC.

9. Vince Vaccaro: He is so dreamy and cool.

10. And lastly, the 2010 FIFA World Cup music. I don't talk about sports on my blog very often. Perhaps because I have so many embarrassing moments associated with them in my past. However, soccer is the sport that I stuck with the longest, and is the dearest to my heart.

Here comes the bombshell...

2010-11-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

"If you look at the horizon
there is always something ducking out of sight
When you’re looking at the treetops
and they’re scratching out their patterns in the sky
Look up, open the clouds
Here comes the bombshell
On the way home…"

Isn't my sister pretty?

2010-10-30T15:29:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken at Eat! The restaurant in Aqua Books, which has delicious food as well as Manitoba Rooibos, which is a beautiful tea.

They also have cool tea pots.

Chuck was also at Eat!

Funny stories from the nursing home:

Male resident sitting in the dining room chewing on his breakfast toast exclaims to no one in particular: "Excuse me! Umm, I think I have the wrong teeth."

A male resident is sitting in the dining room, having just finished his lunch. As I passed by his table, I asked, "Hey, how are you doing?" To which he responded, "I'm fed up." I was surprised because usually this particular gentleman is quite amiable and happy, so I asked, "What's the matter?" The resident responded, "I just ate lunch." I paused, and pondered whether the lunch was particularly bad that day, until my brain finally caught up. I love puns.

A female resident in a wheelchair leans towards another male resident sitting in a wheelchair next to her. She asks gently, "Excuse me, are you going to the dance tonight?" To which the gentleman responded, "Well, I suppose so." The lady asked hesitantly, "Well, would you like to accompany me? We could have a lot of fun. I'll give you my number." I looked at the male resident, curious as to his response to this invitation, and discovered that he had fallen asleep.

Sidenote: There is not a large selection of available men at the nursing home, and I am quickly learning that this poses a slight dilemma for the women who are, well, looking.

It's windy.

2010-10-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

Confession: I have a strange personal satisfaction with reading comments of CBC news articles and agreeing or disagreeing with them. It is almost as satisfying as voting. Which I did, at exactly 7:59pm tonight, one minute before the polls closed. After I had turned in my ballot I celebrated with a fist pump and a "YES! I made it."

Sam Katz won by a 20,000 majority....but I have been consoling myself by disagreeing with all the narrow minded comments on CBC.

Have you noticed that I have just expressed a rather blatant political opinion on my blog? Usually I avoid controversy and stick to the middle ground. Jennie is growing up.

In other important news, I found out that Halloween costumes are mandatory for work on Friday. I am thinking of ideas for a cheap costume that has a creative element, and does not scream status quo. It's a tough road.

This week's funny story at the nursing home:

While playing Bingo, a rogue resident wheeled herself around the tables during one of the games, and pulled a tablecloth off the table, which in turn knocked the dishes onto the floor, fully disrupting the exciting Bingo game. The dedicated staff worker that I am, I engaged the situation with attempts at bribery and begging, urging the resident to give back the tablecloth which she had tied around the arms of her wheelchair and connected to a chair. The resident began pulling the chair behind her in noisy semblance of delight. Despite my pleas for the resident to hand over the tablecloth, she denied my request with an air of stubborn indignation and a few words that will not be repeated. After exhausting my list of reasons why this lady should give me back the tablecloth, and to no avail, I had an inspiration. I admitted that I was interested in the tablecloth for business related reasons, and that I would be very interested in undergoing a trade for the tablecloth. The resident responded that such a trade would only be acceptable if she were able to see the item that would be given in exchange. I faltered. But only momentarily, for I remembered where the hand towels were kept. I offered the resident a crisp, white hand towel, freshly laundered, and still slightly warm. The trade was completed successfully, and the tablecloth was returned with no bloodshed, and only a slight prickle of sweat, and trickle of tears. On my part.

I need to clean my room

2010-10-18T20:33:00.003-07:00

I'm cold despite my long johns and wool socks. I suppose this is a foreshadowing of future cold evenings in Jennie's bedroom. Sort of romantic in a depressing, Jane Eyre sort of way.

I need a heater.

I am enjoying my job.

This week's funny stories at the nursing home:

Two elderly residents both with Alzheimers have a particularly close connection with one another, although both are married to other people. The female resident whispers to a staff member in a dreamy voice: "____ has been very attentive lately, I think he may propose marriage, although I need to make sure that he gets baptized first."

A staff member is showing a resident to her room, and the resident remarks, "My, what a nice street this is. I'm so glad that I live in this area of the city."

2010-10-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for my family.

October's got those orange eyes...

2010-10-07T09:06:00.001-07:00

I had a dream of giant red sunflowers the other night. They were tall and looming and beautiful...and then I realized that they were growing in the middle of a swamp, and the only way that I could pick them would be to swim in brown, murky water that had steam rising from it. I tried to google the meaning of this dream...but alas, red sunflowers do not occur very often in dreams apparently.

That was random.

Don't fix my smile...

2010-10-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

Went for a walk...

2010-10-03T14:28:00.000-07:00

"Everything dies, they say,
Everything dies,
Their colours pierce the branches."
-Margaret Atwood-

"This is 'poetry', this song
of the wind across teeth..."
-Margaret Atwood-

Bringing in the Harvest

2010-09-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

A Snippet

2010-09-24T20:39:00.001-07:00

I have a sucky camera, sometimes it doesn't work. When it does work the batteries often decide to die. But I try and bring it places anyway to capture wee snippets of my life and the people in it.

Renee-the-roommate and I getting groceries at Superstore

Katie and I went to the dog park by the University of Manitoba. Here is Katie and IV playing fetch.

And last, but not least...my sister and soon-to-be niece or nephew. I got to feel them kicking, like 5 whole times! It was incredible. I've already read "Snuffy the Dog" to the stomach and I think we are ready to try some Jane Austen next.

Storm after the calm.

2010-09-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

I just started working as a recreation facilitator at a nursing home. I am only a casual which means my hours are generally unknown, although I've been spending a lot of time the last couple of weeks getting to know the residents (there are over 150) and learning what each one likes in their coffee or tea. And for some, their preference changes quickly, like the gentleman who always asks for sugar in his tea, and then proclaims moments later that it is too sweet and he would like a fresh cup.

I've quickly been gaining a collection of hilarious one-liners from certain residents at my new job...here is a small sampling:

Male resident whistles at me.

Me: "Did you just whistle at me?"

Resident: "No"...(Long Pause)..."I whistled at your rear-end."

Male resident states that his pants are falling down
Another female resident nearby responds: "Oh Goody, a bum!"

I just realized that both of these one-liners refer to the butt....next time I will try and have more variety.

I am thankful for this job.

Being busy with work has been a refreshing if somewhat exhausting change from my lovely hiatus. It has also been a wee bit stressful, and my body has succumbed to a germ and as a result I am sick and cankersore ridden. I am also grumpy, which is an even less endearing quality, but in the spirit of honesty and vulnerability, I feel like sharing.

Grumpy, sick Jennie crawls under her fuzzy green blanket and thinks about how nice it would be to live closer to her mother, so that she could have tea made for her, someone to tuck in the blankets and remind her to gargle with salt water.

Grumpy, sick Jennie watches Grey's Anatomy.

Grumpy, sick Jennie wishes she had a vanilla milkshake, even though she knows the sugar would likely just prolong the illness.

Grumpy, sick Jennie wishes she had caught the right bus this morning so that she could sit beside the cute boy, instead of catching the wrong bus and having to run 10 blocks to work.

Grumpy, sick Jennie likes this music, even though it reminds her about the reality of Manitoba winters, as depicted below by The Wilderness of Manitoba.

Don't worry. It's still Autumn. For now.

2010-09-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

It's a sleepy Friday evening, with gray skies and swaying trees.

I am about to commence a baking spree tonight. On the agenda is a recipe called, "Pretty Little Brownie Bites" compliments of The Pioneer Woman.

These Autumn Days

2010-09-07T12:47:00.000-07:00

"It's close to hopeless,
for what I want to say the red-bird
has said already, and better, in a
thousand trees."

-Mary Oliver

Anyone want to go on a nature walk?

2010-09-04T17:10:00.001-07:00

The Acorn is one of my favourite bands to listen to during the Autumn season.

I like corn.

I start work in a week.

I watched Whip It the other day and liked it muchly.

I miss Nelson in the fall.

"I am struck by how sharing our weakness and difficulties is more nourishing to others than sharing our qualities and successes." -Jean Vanier (Community and Growth)

Back with a bang.

2010-09-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

It was raining yesterday as I made my way out of the airport with bags in tow. I paused to get my jacket out of my suitcase, and then I dashed across the street to catch the bus. The bus came, and I ran, and my shoe went flying, and my knee went bang. I "oooof'ed" as my luggage flew about, and the bus driver smiled sweetly and handed me a transfer.

I recommend Green Tea and Kathryn Calder in a patch of sun...cheap therapy for public humiliation.

It is September 2010. I thought I would dread this day. I thought I would wish back past days. I thought I would want to go to school forever. But in reality, I am thrilled that this year will include paper work that will reap financial stability as opposed to letter grades. My well-wishes for those of you about to embark upon another year of academic ventures. May you fare better than I.

Season Poem

2010-08-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

Can it be the changing of seasons has already begun? I sit under a warm blanket with my cup of tea, looking into the parking lot of my parent's new townhouse complex. It is +15 here in Kamloops and I have cold hands. Can you hear the crackle of change in the air? It is frightening and exciting and inevitable. I welcome this next season of life. I look forward to whatever the heck it is that I will encounter. Although I hope that it includes some of my favourite things, such as music and tea, laughter and friends, last trips to the farmers market, harvesting my wee garden, and planting bulbs for next spring's enjoyment.

"I’ve never been the one to shout because I listen
I don’t like to raise my voice
Maybe I should learn to lose my inhibitions
and let my feelings make some noise
You don’t know what I’m going through
When silence is all I give to you"
Jack Savoretti - from "Between the Minds"

Goin' West

2010-08-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

I am flying back to BC in two days. Not to my hometown, but to a different city, with different people and far less beautiful scenery. My parents are moving tomorrow, and I am going to meet them in Kamloops to provide some muscle. Don't worry, I will do push-ups on the plane.

This is how I plan to amuse myself while visiting this fair city.

Oh yeah.

"You said this is a used up world
You follow the river and your home is in the mountains
You've forgotten your questions lost your purpose
The beauty is gone
and this house still smells and sounds like you
all your pillows and records"
-Aidan Hawken

2010-08-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

*I'm listening to Peter Katz tonight.

*I have cold fingers.

*I am thinking about how much I want a pan of my sister's homemade Nanaimo bars.

Monday morning

2010-08-09T07:30:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel anxious, or uneasy, or uncertain, or just plain out of sorts?

I'm having one of those days.

But I don't want to talk about my blah stomach feeling anymore...I avoid.

Wanna see what I got for my birthday?

Yes you do...

A tea set from Sasha

A herb planter from Sasha

A flower pot from Sasha

A Chinese mug from Larisa...

A felted purse that my mom made (please pardon the terrible self-portrait...my camera is on permanent zoom).

*Unpictured: Flowers, a pottery dish, and Donna's soaps that I got from my sister (all of which can be found at the local farmer's market), as well as a Starbucks gift card from Renee.

What lovely people I know.

In other news, I have had the pleasure of visiting with old friends the last couple of days...in particular, Allie and Evan and their one month old baby girl!

I love babies! I love the natural process of birth and parenting, and togetherness. It's so beautiful.

Sob. Sniffle. Snort. Gulp.

Growth

2010-08-06T17:20:00.001-07:00

Check it out...my garden has been growing.

The small, wee carrots...

...are now tall and bushy.

And look! Tomato!

I, like my garden, am also growing as I celebrated my 24th year yesterday. I'm hoping this is the year that I no longer get mistaken as a teenie bopper.

Listen to this lovely artist who hails from the granola belt of Winnipeg, aka: the Wolseley neighborhood.

2010-07-31T09:41:00.001-07:00

I'm planning a picnic today. It is going to be a solitary excursion, as the people in my life all have important things to do today. I tend to avoid important things. Possibly a result of my Phlegmatic-Melancholic personality.

I'm thinking Guacamole, kettle chips, natural root beer, cold chicken, carrot sticks, and perhaps some peas from the garden...Anyone want to come along? Please say yes! I will read Farley Mowat aloud, and force you to listen! It's a steal of a deal.

If I were a tree

2010-07-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

NOTE: To watch this video in its full capacity, you may want to watch it in Youtube by double clicking on the screen.

2010-07-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

A little ditty by a fella named Will.

Wasn't Will Sturgeon the name of "The Fish" in the Gordan Korman McDonald Hall books? If you haven't read them (I recommend them), they are about two teenage boys, Bruno and Boots who live at a boarding school in Toronto and pretty much get into trouble every day by the principle, Mr. Sturgeon. Did you know Gordan Korman wrote his first novel when he was 16 for a creative writing assignment?

I digress...

According to the The Uniter: Winnipeg's Weekly Urban Journal (aka: the University of Winnipeg's student newspaper) "the class of 2010 might be in for the worst employment climate young people have seen since the Second World War." As silly and as heartless as it sounds, I find it comforting that I am not alone in this predicament.

At least I don't have to wear a dress. Some things have improved since the 1940's.

I feel like a Boylan's Creamy Red Birch Beer would be a satisfying conclusion to this day. There is a certain allure to drinking tree roots in the middle of a thunderstorm.

"Many times around
I am lost and then I'm found
But i don't know who I am in this world."
-Nicole Reynolds

A mid-summer's eve.

2010-07-22T21:09:00.000-07:00

Poetic lyrics anyone? I like this guy. Oh Jeff, come to Winnipeg and melt my cold heart like the sun melts snow in spring.

I was the grateful recipient of a free Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks tonight, and consequently have nervous energy radiating from my knee caps and oozing out of the strands of my hair.

Too. Much. Caffeine...

One day I plan to build up a sufficient tolerance.

I have participated slightly in Fringe-ing activities, but I do not think I can sufficiently give any kind of review, as I have only attended one show thus far, and hence have nothing to compare it to (save the few shows that I took in last summer). But I can say that I greatly enjoyed the one show I have seen: "The Plank", and recommend it to anyone who enjoys pirates, woman power, and aerial dancing.
*****FIVE STARS *****

Jennie's Current Events, etc.

2010-07-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

*I went to camp.
*I touched the bosom of a Famous Five at the Legislative building.

*I searched for jobs.

*I contemplated working at Subway.

*I read the news.

*I bought groceries and made a yummy salad.

*I got a book out of the library yesterday and read it this morning.

*I realized that indulging my reading habits is good for my soul, but bad for my to-do list.

My mom will chuckle at the eclectic nature of this young Irish chap. His hair sticks out and his eyes scrunch shut, but his music is genuine.

"All the words I mean to say they never come out the right way...there are sides that I could show you, but they'll never come out the right way, cause I've been in pieces."

Last Days

2010-07-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Last Days
Things are
changing; things are starting to
spin, snap, fly off into
the blue sleeve of the long afternoon. Oh and ooh
come whistling out of the perished mouth
of the grass, as things
turn soft, boil back
into substance and hue. As everything.
forgetting its own enchantment, whispers:
I too, love oblivion why not it is full
of second chances. Now,
hiss the bright curls of leaves. Now!
booms the muscle of the wind.
Mary Oliver

A little bit of everything....

2010-07-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

I just have to say, I love this picture of my brother, despite the blurriness that is an iphone picture.

*I'm sniffing mucous and coughing up a persistent throat tickle.
*I had an emotional day yesterday. Damn you, feelings.
*I am a bad ass because I said "damn" and "ass".
*I went to St. Benedict's Table last night, and was uplifted.
*I got locked out of the house this morning at 7:30 in my pajamas and bedhead. I sat on the front steps for an hour and then I crawled in the kitchen window.
*I am going to be an aunty. And this pleases me very much.

"love!
not just some passing moment
a glance however open
but some deeper compassion
radiating permanency
not some morbid curiosity
some gushing pity
incompetent naivete

the cry of burnt out eyes
wounded bodies
addicted minds
cravings
can only be answered by some deeper love
in which is felt a strange presence of the eternal
a hope
a new security
not some passing glance
but deeper bonds
unbreakable."
-Jean Vanier

These Days

2010-06-30T12:06:00.000-07:00

These days I have been floundering a little. Searching for a job has been causing me to search for my existential purpose in life, and I am unsure of the direction I am supposed to go. There has been no sign post, no audible voice, no words drawn in the sand directing me. What did I want to do with my life again? I forget.

Despite the lack of an occupation...and the subsequent worries that co-exist with this type of lifestyle, I have been keeping busy with little adventures that I have been longing to do the past two years and couldn't due to the daily horrors of studenthood.

Adventures:
1. Trips to the library...I like to sit at the tables in the back on the fourth floor. The sun streams in, and the smell of musty non-fiction is more enjoyable than I remember it being. Perhaps because the context is different.

2. Gardening. Aside from my daily garden adventures, which include pulling up dead Boxwood that has roots the size of a refrigerator, I have been to two gardening workshops at Sage Garden Herbs, a local greenhouse that is the delight of my heart. The last workshop I went to was called the Summer Solstice Workshop, and we learned about magical herbs, and danced around a bonfire of burning embers. I made a pot with a strawberry plant, marigolds, a sunflower, a pepper plant, a flower called Midnight Candy that blooms only at night and smells spicy sweet, and some other plants that I can't remember. Here is a picture of my pot. Please note that it is in cauldron. How else are magical plants to be grown?

3. Reading. I just finished The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery. Here is a sampling of the poetic passages that are in this little gem of a book: "The woods will have their own way even with those obvious dandelions. In a little while all that obtrusive yellowness and complacency will be gone and we'll find here misty, phantom-like globes hovering over these long grasses in full harmony with the traditions of the forest."

4. Cooking/Baking...actually this is just a prelude to the actual action of cooking. Today I want to make The Best Coffee Cake EVER, and Macaroni and Cheese.

5. Doing the Bikini Blast Workout video with Kim. "Blast away that fat, and get ready to have a bikini body all year round." Oh yeah.

6. Dreaming about traveling to the East Coast. On a train.

7. Walking. Walking around the neighborhood. Walking and listening to the ol' Ipod. Walking and reflecting. Walking and swatting mosquitoes.

2010-06-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

2010-06-15T21:02:00.000-07:00

Evening News
I went for a walk this evening. The sun was setting. The clouds were flecked with gold and amber. The grass waved proudly in the breeze. Momma duck and her six ducklings swam around the neighborhood pond eating delicious bugs for dinner. The pavement stretched on in endearing patterns of possibilities....

...and then...

...To my great horror and dismay, a small bunny rabbit ran in front of me, bounded across the road, and was smushed beneath the wheels of a car. Smoosh. Squish. Squelch.

It was gross. Unfortunately I had forgotten my camera so I could not capture an image of the tragic aftermath. I know, I know. Next time. I promise.

Music News:
I recommend listening to the new Stars album, The Five Ghosts, being release June 22. It is lovely.

2010-06-12T09:55:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the Farmer's Market. I drank a mug of tea. I listened to some good music. I checked out the progress of my little garden and discovered that two of my beans have popped out of the soil.

I think themes and motifs are fascinating...So I will subject you to my odd obsession of finding random connections. LOOK! Three bands that start with SEA and end with an animal.

Seabear

Sea Wolf

Seabird

My Little Brother

2010-06-11T09:31:00.001-07:00

Please Note: My brother is wearing formal clothing...this is significant.

Haagen Dazs: The breakfast of champions.

William successfully ducked out of the classy robe shots.

Cute. Just plain cute.

Almost there!

2010-06-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

An update:
-It is raining tonight.
-One of my favourite things to do right now is mow the lawn...especially while listening to The Shins. Dunno why.
-Bethany and I are planning a trip to Home Outfitters to "buy wedding presents" but really we are going to try out their massage chairs.
-I can hear frogs.
-I love my green, fuzzy blanket.
-I miss being able to drive 10 minutes to get to the lake.
-I love worms.
-I am trying not to eat wheat or dairy right now...and failing miserably.
-I forget to take my Chinese medicine daily.

Because I can't convey my heart and soul in a musical confection...

2010-06-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

...I would love to share some people who can.

Jordan Klassen
-Good music if you are in a contemplative mood, it is both relaxing and inspiring.

Zaac Pick
-A bit outdoorsy sounding. Makes me wanna go for a walk.

Pat Lepoidevin
-Music that makes me feel like I would like to be a man. Not really sure why.

The Good Lovelies
-Some really cool girls.

Corey Isenor
-I like him. Vulnerable and approachable. I feel as though could have a conversation with this person.

Dan Griffin
-I don't remember why I liked him.

Caracol
-Who doesn't like some good French music every now and again?

Michael Bernard Fitzgerald
-Ha! laughter and art coincide in a foot-stampin' good time.

Tilly and the Wall
-I am cute and vivacious music that lingers in your soul.

Land of Talk
-Occasionally melancholy. I needed a tissue.

Brag, Brag, Brag...

2010-06-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

My mum has an artistic side and I love to brag about her abilities! Here is an Etsy page that features some of her art, along with the creations of her co-worker and co-worker's daughter. She made some of the felted figures and jingle balls.

Growth

2010-05-28T14:13:00.001-07:00

"Sometimes our life reminds me
of a forest in which there is a graceful clearing
and in that opening a house,
an orchard and garden,
comfortable shades, and flowers
red and yellow in the sun, a pattern
made in the light for the sun to return to.
The forest is mostly dark, its ways
to be made anew day after day, the dark
richer than the light and more blessed,
provided we stay brave
enough to keep on going in."
-Wendell Berry

I hate to brag, but...

2010-05-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

...I have good genetics.

My dad has to put the siding on his house in a month. By himself. Here is one corner he has started so far. Go dad, go!

I would just like to say that my parents have the busiest, craziest life ever, and they withstand the chaos with grace, patience, and much prayer.

My heroes.

Searching

2010-05-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

I'm searching for a job. The past five years of post-secondary have been preparing me for this fateful day, and it is time to face the "real" world and begin to emerge from my warm, safe nest of studenthood. "I'm sorry I just messed up your life, its because I'm still a student, and I haven't learned how to help people yet" can no longer be uttered from my lips. Neither can the phrase, "I'm glad I could help you today, Mrs.so and so, I just started my practicum here and I am still learning...no need to thank me...competent, me? For a student? Really, you are very kind."

Gone are the days of encouragement and reflection as a student who has a reason for not knowing. Gone also are the months of hard work with no monetary compensation.

To fill in the rest of these long days of sweat inducing labour (aka emailing resumes), I am working in my garden, going for long neighborhood walks, and currently spending time with the ol' sister and brother in law in Otterburne. It is blissfully quiet in the country. The Rat River rolls by between green, waving grasses as birds dive bomb with ferocious whim.

Today I...

2010-05-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

...walked in the rain.

...drank a chai latte and pretended to be trendy with my journal and reflective posture at Starbucks.

...cried some tears.

...felt alone.

...prayed that the story of my life could be one of love.

...felt the presence of God through the understanding and wisdom of my family.

...cried some more.

...remembered that there is a hormonal component for my emotional turmoil.

...read L.M. Montgomery and reflected upon the beauty in the world.

...felt blessed to walk beneath a canopy of green trees and damp clouds.

...curled up on the couch beneath a warm blanket.

“Let me be the one you’re running to.” The Acorn

2010-05-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

"She wanted to be alone - to think things out - to adjust herself, if it were possible, to the new world in which she seemed to have been transplanted with a suddenness and completeness that left her half bewildered to her own identity."
— L.M. Montgomery

2010-05-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

"Some people think only intellect counts — knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy."
-Dean Koontz

My mom and I had a date

2010-05-17T12:12:00.000-07:00

We went to the local greenhouse.

So many flowers to choose from...

Isn't she cute?

Isn't she buff?

Mmmmm. Compost.

BEFORE

AFTER

2010-05-13T17:55:00.001-07:00

I went for a walk

2010-05-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

There was a general absence of rain yesterday so I went for a walk around our property and beyond.

I took some pictures.

Home

2010-05-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

I have entered a peaceful interlude of life. I am home in BC for a couple weeks before I go back to Winnipeg to start working my ass off. Hence, I have ample opportunities to ponder and reflect upon the past year, as well as to think about upcoming adventures. I am also being provided with Kaslo Sourdough bread, chai lattes from Sidewinders, guacamole, Antoinette's dip, and my mom's homemade soup.

Because I feel overcome with laziness or some sort of physical inability to move, I made a list of the things that I need to accomplish while I am home.

1. Go for a walk, or bike ride, or hike. Be outside. It has been raining pretty much since I got here, but I just gotta suck it up and commune with nature.

2. Pack up my room. This is a slightly more distressing thought, as I need to organize the last few things that I have in my BC bedroom and put them in boxes.

3. Help my mom in her garden.

4. Get acupuncture. I have an appointment on Wednesday. I hate needles.

5. Get a haircut.

I'm Here

2010-04-29T11:25:00.001-07:00

"for how many years have you gone through the house
shutting the windows,
while the rain was still five miles away

and veering, o plum-colored clouds, to the north
away from you

and you did not even know enough
to be sorry,

you were glad
those silver sheets, with the occasional golden staple,

were sweeping on, elsewhere,
violent and electric and uncontrollable--

and will you find yourself finally wanting to forget
all enclosures, including

the enclosure of yourself, o lonely leaf, and will you
dash finally, frantically,

to the windows and haul them open and lean out
to the dark, silvered sky, to everything

that is beyond capture, shouting
i'm here, i'm here! now, now, now, now, now."
— Mary Oliver

2010-04-10T05:21:00.000-07:00

To the dark cosmic forces who did everything in their power to keep me from graduating:

I would just like to say...

I will be finished my Social Work degree in a week despite you.

So there.

Hush.

2010-03-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

"And the world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles,
no matter how long,
but only by a spiritual journey,
a journey of one inch,
very arduous and humbling and joyful,
by which we arrive at the ground at our feet,
and learn to be at home."
Wendell Berry

I'm tired. With exhaustion comes overwhelming emotions known as the "Melodramatic chaos of Jennie's mind". I feel as though the coffers of my heart and soul were somewhat depleted this past week and I could not replenish them quickly enough. My meager self-awareness and social work education tells me that I am experiencing something known as "burn-out" and I need to be more diligent in regards to "self-care."

Hence my Saturday evening is consisting of Jennie's self-care tactics:

1.) An empty house (not through my own doing I promise)
2.) A glass of wine
3.) A bowl of custard with bananas and chocolate chips and coconut
4.) Listening to music of a deep, sincere, and gentle beauty.
5.) And I am attempting to quiet my thoughts and clear my mind. Not generally an easy task for me.

Landscape

Isn't it plain the sheets of moss, except that
they have no tongues, could lecture
all day if they wanted about

spiritual patience? Isn't it clear
the black oaks along the path are standing
as though they were the most fragile of flowers?

Every morning I walk like this around
the pond, thinking: if the doors of my heart
ever close, I am as good as dead.

Every morning, so far, I'm alive. And now
the crows break off from the rest of the darkness
and burst up into the sky--as though

all night they had thought of what they would like
their lives to be, and imagined their strong, thick wings.

~Mary Oliver

2010-03-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

When the storm comes
Will you reject the rain
If it falls not soft
If it falls not tame?

When the wind blows
And calls your name
Will you run in fear
Will you hide in shame?
-Ben Sollee

2010-02-28T12:39:00.000-08:00

Today there is a hint of spring in the air. In the way the wind is blowing. In the way the sun is shining, in the way I look at the snow covered garden that has so much potential.

I'm writing a paper on Aboriginal policy today.

I can smell the freedom of spring from the dark alleyways of reality.

Can you believe I am graduating in a month and a half?

I like this fellow: Pat LePoidevin. "Can you see it? Can you see the music?" (Hamish, 2008).

2010-02-26T11:06:00.000-08:00

"I think over again my small adventures
My fears,
Those small ones that seemed so big,
For all the vital things
I had to get and to reach.
And yet there is only one great thing,
The only thing
To live to see the great day that dawns
And the light that fills the world."
----Old Inuit Song

Poor Mr. Russian.

2010-02-24T19:00:00.000-08:00

A Tale of Woes

2010-02-24T08:15:00.000-08:00

I'm sick.
I fought in vain, and eventually succumbed to a virus of death. Blech is how I feel.

It is sunny outside, but I am not fooled by its tempting blindness. Last night I left work a couple of hours early, intending on going right to bed to rest my poor, sick body. Unfortunately my house key would not work. At all. I tried everything. I pulled the door towards me. I tried all of my keys, just in case my delirium was making it difficult to see clearly. I even made small, whimpering noises. This did nothing to help my cause. In defeat, with arms laden with library books and fingers frozen from fumbling with the doorknob, I turned around and walked to McDonalds. This is where I waited for an hour with my head plastered to the table before my roommate finished work and picked me up. She apparently has keys that are far more advanced than mine, or is merely more advanced than I at opening doors.

My beloved roommate is en route to China today. The room is empty without her in it.
You should check out her traveling thoughts HERE.

Jennie's word of the day:
Bereft-lacking something needed, wanted or expected

I could really use a lozenge.

2010-02-18T18:14:00.000-08:00

I just had to look at my clock three times before it registered in my Occipital Lobe that it is already 9:00. I haven't even started working on my to-do list for the evening!

Today one of my clients gave me a hug. That's right. A hug. I consider this a noteworthy day.

My reading break is coming to an end, and I must say I am thankful. Too much reading and typing makes Jennie's head hurt and her bottom sore.

I offered to give my professor cookies for not taking any late marks off my paper. Here is his response: "Bribery will get you everywhere...Just Kidding." Maybe I should try money next time.

Some of Jennie's Favourite Songs of the week (so far):

10. "You Silly Git" - Dan Mangan
09. "Waiting by the Fence" - Forest City Lovers
08. "Of Winnipeg" - Eisenhauer
07. "Sleeping City" - Parlour Steps
06. "Up and Down" - The Mountains and the Trees
05. "Gimme Sympathy" - Metric
04. "Northernmost Eva Maria" - Leif Vollebekk
03. "New Goodbye" - Hey Rosetta
02. "Train of Thought" - Mother Mother
and...wait for it...my favouritest one:
01. "Buffalo" - Kathleen Edwards

Any particular songs keeping your feet a'walking and your mind a'thinking this week?

SOON!

2010-02-17T10:06:00.000-08:00

These are not pictures of my own garden...

...but they are my inspiration.

Spring is coming.

2010-02-15T07:29:00.000-08:00

1.) Here is a link to listen to the WHOLE Ben Sollee and Daniel Martin Moore album that is coming out tomorrow: Dear Companion. I am currently partial to "Only a Song" and "Try".

2.) I'm writing a paper today on the negative effects that technology (i.e. internet, video games, tv) can have on the family unit. 3000 words to go!

3.) I went to a Chinese New Year party yesterday. It is the year of the Tiger (MY year) hee hee. Roar. Growl?

4.) Two of my plants have officially passed away due to the liberal amounts of dish soup that I poured on them. And I still have fruit flies. Go figure. I hear wine is a tempting potion of death (for the flies) but I am fresh out.

5.) I love sunny days.

6.) I am reading "Never Cry Wolf" by Farley Mowat, and I LOVE it. What art! Truly an example of how science and art and humour can be friends. I remember watching the movie in grade 4, and my teacher was worried about showing the part when Farley jumped off the cliff naked. I liked the part when he ate rats. Did you know Farley has 6 honourary doctorates?

7.) I am going to go and drink tea now.

2010-02-14T14:57:00.000-08:00

Happy day of love!

Enjoy some Canadian tunage.

Bedtime

2010-02-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

A Dream of Trees by Mary Oliver
There is a thing in me that dreamed of trees,
A quiet house, some green and modest acres
A little way from every troubling town,
A little way from factories, schools, laments.
I would have time, I thought, and time to spare,
With only streams and birds for company.
To build out of my life a few wild stanzas.
And then it came to me, that so was death,
A little way away from everywhere.

There is a thing in me still dreams of trees,
But let it go. Homesick for moderation,
Half the world’s artists shrink or fall away.
If any find solution, let him tell it.
Meanwhile I bend my heart toward lamentation
Where, as the times implore our true involvement,
The blades of every crisis point the way.

I would it were not so, but so it is.
Who ever made music of a mild day?

I'm ordering seeds for my garden this spring. Zinnias, petunias, morning glory, cosmos. I ache for the warmth of spring. I feel tired and apathetic these days. Where has your hope gone, self? What happened to your happy spirit and joyous words? Why are you sad tonight, daughter of many blessings? So your life feels hard...well, whoever made music of a mild day? When I am exhausted and overwhelmed and scared I withdraw. I retreat. I seek some sort of refuge that looks very similar to Mary's quiet house with trees and peace. But to escape would be to miss out on a beauteous melody and I don't want that.

I just wish I were a toothbrush

2010-02-11T15:14:00.000-08:00

2010-02-10T11:41:00.000-08:00

The hump. Wednesday. The week is half over. Thank you Lord. Next week is reading break. I don't really have a break. I still have to go to practicum and work an extra shift, and write a few papers, and go to a group meeting. But I like to think that it will be a break, if only theoretically.

My roommate is leaving. Yup. Packing up and moving to China in two weeks. I'm sad she is leaving, but happy she is going to have an adventure.

I want an adventure.

I found out yesterday that I won some award at school. I get $500 to spend on "professional resources" which includes books! I get to go on Amazon and buy $500 worth of books. Crazy! I don't suppose poetry would be included as a professional resource.

Happy Monday

2010-02-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

I got a book of poetry by Jean Vanier called "Tears of Silence." I know. It sounds horribly depressing, and I suppose that is the appeal. Human connection through suffering and emergence of hope.

The whole book is one prolonged poem...all of which I loved...but here is one particular portion of greatness:

"He who is
or has been
deeply hurt

has a RIGHT
to be sure
he is
LOVED."

I would change the "he" to include women as well. And I would add my belief that everyone experiences hurt to some measure in their life...which leads to the poem's profundity. Through its simplicity, it expresses an essential reality. The power of healing in our lives comes through relationships with one another. We look to each other for support, hope. When we feel unloved, rejected, discouraged, unworthy, and we don't have anyone to turn to, we turn to other things to fulfill our needs...A lady came the other day who disclosed her distress at her recent break up with her partner and said that she couldn't handle life by herself anymore. Yes. This makes sense. We can't handle life by ourselves. We need each other. We need God. We need hope.

"I need to talk
and walk
with another

I need to express myself
say things.....

this is a movement of life
life that is in me
and needs to flow out.....

I must speak.....and dance
sharing things that I love and hate
my hopes, my joys, my fears, my griefs....
giving myself
giving my life
giving life."

Look! Another free download! Aren't you glad you stuck around?
Josh Ritter's new album is arriving in May...This song is called "Change of Time"

"Its hard sometimes to know exactly what you feel." Eisenhauer

2010-01-31T20:14:00.000-08:00

This dude has the most oddly calming influence on my psyche. And that is before he even sings a note. Possibly the mention of used bookstores and poetry are enough to bring feelings of comfort and beauty to my heart.

2010-01-27T20:31:00.000-08:00

To do List:
*warm shower
*pajamas
*ginger tea
*blankets

it is still winter.

Stuck

2010-01-25T11:52:00.001-08:00

A high wind velocity and blowing snow seems to have blocked my efforts to get back to Winnipeg after my Otterburne spent weekend, and so I am spending an unforseen snow day on the Providence campus. How exciting. I am currently in the collegium, the place where the cool commuter students hang (except no one is hanging, cause classes are canceled). Sasha made me some wicked coffee and gave me candy, and so life is good...and Jennie is hyper.

Too hyper to sit and concentrate on homework assignments of course.

There are board games and duplo in the commtuer lounge. And big comfy chairs, and pictures of retro sunsets on the walls. Why did I not spend more time here before?

If it was up to me I would most likely be a country dweller. Quiet walks in nature, with the wind tossing my body back and forth across the highway as if I were a rag doll. Ahh, peace is truly found in the middle of nowhere.

Another Post.

2010-01-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

I seem to be remarkably technologically inclined these days.

Oh yes. I am procrastinating.

I just wanted to share my delight with this musical experience...

Look! A free download! Check out Postdata.

2010-01-22T10:03:00.000-08:00

"We all grow old, use your life, the world goes and flutters by
Use your life, you'll know you are
Use your life, the world goes and flutters by"
Jonsi Birgisson

2010-01-21T21:24:00.001-08:00

Today I saw light. True, pure, shining light. It engulfed me in its warmth.

Joy, relief, understanding! To feel understood is a precious gift.

I have been struggling the last few months to reconnect with my initial desire to enter the social worker field, and due to feelings of utter inadequacy, panic, and stress, I have not been in a happy place. No. Not happy. A very sad, lonely little duck.

But today. I'm not sure what. But something happened. A click. A movement. A push? A meaningful conversation with my supervisor whose words seemed to resonate so clearly with the insecurities, and frustrations that I have been feeling for so long. A word of encouragement has reminded me of my initial desire to be an agent of healing. A part of the journey in people's life. Not a mountain mover. Not a world changer. Just a link. An imperfect link. But an important link. On someone's chain of healing.

This moment of enlightenment did not come in my darkest moment like a white knight coming to rescue me. Those moments of actualized idealism are rare I am learning. But it came. And I am grateful.

2010-01-20T13:48:00.000-08:00

Today I am...

...Slightly elated about life after eating a yummy sandwich of toasted naan bread, alfalfa sprouts, cheddar cheese, and red pepper, and drinking a hot mug of Lady Grey Tea.

...Disgruntled that my houseplants seem to be infested with some kind of fruit fly, and the dish soup I am feeding them to kill off the flies seems to be turning the leaves yellow and withered (NOTE: don't believe everything the internet tells you.)

...Confused about my swollen eyelids that seem to be the aftereffects of watching Avatar last night. No, I did not cry...oddly enough. Although the scene when Home Tree fell over was rather heart wrenching. Everything seems rather er, emotional at 1:30 in the morning after a 15 hour day of work.

...Thinking about learning some type of martial arts after hearing a conversation on the bus between two guys who professed their blunt opinion that they think it is safest to assume that all women are dumb and dim-witted until proven otherwise. Sigh.

...Listening to my lil' playlist on CBC radio 3's website...you should make your own!!!

...About to head to my Crisis Intervention class, in which we are learning how to deal with people in crisis. Obviously.

...Bouncing around my room to The Wooden Sky. "It still means a lot to meeee!"

...Thinking yet again about the uncertainty of my future. BC or Winnipeg. Hmmm. Tough decision. Apparently I gotta be there.

2010-01-17T15:46:00.000-08:00

"we break and then we go,
and we try, we try to stay hopeful,
but it seems the more we learn the less we know..."
-Parlour Steps

It's Official

2010-01-04T14:25:00.000-08:00

I have passed all my courses so far. Phew. With trembling fingers and a pounding vein, I tore open the envelope and discovered that I can go forth with the knowledge that I kicked last semester in the ASS...or maybe the hamstring region. Sigh. This is a good feeling.

And so a new semester has begun. I am already behind on my assignments, but I have a little more confidence that I just might make it to graduation.

My current study music.

Christmas Cheer

2009-12-22T13:24:00.000-08:00

Bringing you a little hilarity this holiday season. This video comes at a great price, as my mom is taking away Christmas as my penalty. But it is worth it. ENJOY!