I have an unfortunate case of the stomach flu. I forgot how much I hate throwing up. So now that you have a visual picture of me standing over the toilet retching, I will show you how I am spending my time between episodes (and, no it does not include writing my paper...)
Watch this :)
Every time I see Julia lying on the floor I giggle, because I can just imagine my a certain member of my family doing the exact same thing. ha ha ha!!! I am deeply amused.
I also made up a little ditty about having the flu. It is sung to the child's tune of "We're Going to the Zoo".
I have got the stomach flu, flu, flu,
Oh, How about you, you, you,
You could have it too, too, too,
So wash your hands, do, do, do.
(IMPORTANT NOTE: Janna, make sure you wash your hands, because I am pretty sure I breathed on you last night.)
Monday, June 08, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Identity Crisis
The staff room coffee pot is like a looming presence that I have resisted for several weeks, and have at last accepted as part of my morning routine. Yes. I think I am addicted. This is creating havoc with my prolonged tea drinking routine. I have to cut back on the caffeinated tea in order to make room for my newly formed coffee drinking habit. This is creating tension between my tea self, and my emerging coffee self.
My mother is arriving for a little visit in approximately 14 hours. I am pretty excited. I am trying to scheme my way out of practicum tomorrow afternoon to hang out with her. Maybe if I bring doughnuts to dunk in the infamous staff room coffee.
Funny story as told to me by roommate Kate:
Kate was walking down good ol' Westminister Ave, when she saw some kids riding by on their bikes, yelling and swearing, and dropping the f-bomb as many times as physically possible. A gigantic man in a trench coat who was walking behind Kate boomed, "hey, stop that swearing or wash your mouth out with organic soap." Sigh, it reminds me of dear Nelson, except there was an absence of the sweet scent of marijuana lingering in the air.
My mother is arriving for a little visit in approximately 14 hours. I am pretty excited. I am trying to scheme my way out of practicum tomorrow afternoon to hang out with her. Maybe if I bring doughnuts to dunk in the infamous staff room coffee.
Funny story as told to me by roommate Kate:
Kate was walking down good ol' Westminister Ave, when she saw some kids riding by on their bikes, yelling and swearing, and dropping the f-bomb as many times as physically possible. A gigantic man in a trench coat who was walking behind Kate boomed, "hey, stop that swearing or wash your mouth out with organic soap." Sigh, it reminds me of dear Nelson, except there was an absence of the sweet scent of marijuana lingering in the air.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Continuing thoughts
I am not exactly sure why, but I took advantage of this beautiful day off to start a new blog...Here it is.
I also wrote 2 papers, and made perogies, and cleaned the microwave, and mopped, and bought a closet organizer so I don't have to stuff my clean underwear into the bottom of my laundry basket. I need another day off to recover from my extreme productivity.
I also discovered that I can become remarkably introverted. Today I had this weird feeling of the whole world sort of fading away, and seeming remarkably unimportant. All that seemed to matter, was this urge to find the quietest, less populated area possible. I tried to fight this urge, because it frustrates me. I want to be people-friendly all the time. Such a silly self-centered self.
I like this band, and not just because they are Scottish, like another good band I know.
I also wrote 2 papers, and made perogies, and cleaned the microwave, and mopped, and bought a closet organizer so I don't have to stuff my clean underwear into the bottom of my laundry basket. I need another day off to recover from my extreme productivity.
I also discovered that I can become remarkably introverted. Today I had this weird feeling of the whole world sort of fading away, and seeming remarkably unimportant. All that seemed to matter, was this urge to find the quietest, less populated area possible. I tried to fight this urge, because it frustrates me. I want to be people-friendly all the time. Such a silly self-centered self.
I like this band, and not just because they are Scottish, like another good band I know.
Today is Monday, and I am NOT at work.
It is a day of rest today. An extra lil' holiday to be taken from practicum and business. However, it is not a holiday that constitutes the resting from papers that still need to be handed in. Blech.
Today we are making homemade perogies. I am learning about the ways of the Mennonite folk.
It is so windy this morning, that each gust past my bedroom window makes it rattle. It is rather comforting to be on the inside.
I have just received my sister's completed thesis via email in all its glorificus. It is entitled: Rethinking “Nature in General”: Wendell Berry, The Land Institute and a Relational View of Nature.
I know I am impressed all ready. The longer the title, the more intense the paper. My papers have very short titles. Like "Log #4"...but they are VERY intense.
I haven't read her thesis yet...but I have observed from my initial glance that it looks pretty amazing. Constructive, logical, AND beautifully written.
I am mentally and researchly preparing for my two therapeutic groups that I will be conducting for my practicum in June/July. The topic is: Reminiscence...
Anticipated Summer Pastimes:
1. Go to the library and read books that are unrelated to aging and dementia
2. Go to the park and read aforesaid books.
3. Gardening!! I currently have 3 pots of herbs, and 2 pots of tomatoes, and I am waiting until it gets a little warmer to do the outside planting.
4. Drink tea and homemade lemonade
5. Learn how to become an effective communicator.
Today we are making homemade perogies. I am learning about the ways of the Mennonite folk.
It is so windy this morning, that each gust past my bedroom window makes it rattle. It is rather comforting to be on the inside.
I have just received my sister's completed thesis via email in all its glorificus. It is entitled: Rethinking “Nature in General”: Wendell Berry, The Land Institute and a Relational View of Nature.
I know I am impressed all ready. The longer the title, the more intense the paper. My papers have very short titles. Like "Log #4"...but they are VERY intense.
I haven't read her thesis yet...but I have observed from my initial glance that it looks pretty amazing. Constructive, logical, AND beautifully written.
I am mentally and researchly preparing for my two therapeutic groups that I will be conducting for my practicum in June/July. The topic is: Reminiscence...
Anticipated Summer Pastimes:
1. Go to the library and read books that are unrelated to aging and dementia
2. Go to the park and read aforesaid books.
3. Gardening!! I currently have 3 pots of herbs, and 2 pots of tomatoes, and I am waiting until it gets a little warmer to do the outside planting.
4. Drink tea and homemade lemonade
5. Learn how to become an effective communicator.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Today I am thinking about oceans and evergreen forests and home. Riding the ferry. Hearing the fog horn. Watching the mist. Feeling the water spray. Smelling the distinct oceany air. Inhaling the earth. Touching rough bark. Standing in a quiet place. Accepting the stillness. Being in a place of familiarity.
It has been a hard week.
I am learning things about communication, and my utter finite being.
Time for some (indoor) gardening. The weather is not really cooperating with my planting schedule.
"I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me."
Patrick Watson
It has been a hard week.
I am learning things about communication, and my utter finite being.
Time for some (indoor) gardening. The weather is not really cooperating with my planting schedule.
"I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held onto me."
Patrick Watson
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Does your own soul need comforting?
Mine does...here is my favorite poet yet again reminding her reader of the everyday joys that can supersede the tough stuff.
Such Singing in the Wild Branches by Mary Oliver
It was spring
and finally I heard him
among the first leaves -
then I saw him clutching the limb
in an island of shade
with his red-brown feathers
all trim and neat for the new year.
First, I stood still
and thought of nothing.
Then I began to listen.
Then I was filled with gladness -
and that's when it happened,
when I seemed to float,
to be, myself, a wing or a tree -
and I began to understand
what the bird was saying,
and the sands in the glass
stopped
for a pure white moment
while gravity sprinkled upward
like rain, rising,
and in fact
it became difficult to tell just what it was that was singing -
it was the thrush for sure, but it seemed
not a single thrush, but himself, and all his brothers,
and also the trees around them,
as well as the gliding, long-tailed clouds
in the perfectly blue sky - all, all of them
were singing.
And, of course, yes, so it seemed,
so was I.
Such soft and solemn and perfect music doesn't last
for more than a few moments.
It's one of those magical places wise people
like to talk about.
One of the things they say about it, that is true,
is that, once you've been there,
you're there forever.
Listen, everyone has a chance.
Is it spring, is it morning?
Are there trees near you,
and does your own soul need comforting?
Quick, then - open the door and fly on your heavy feet; the song
may already be drifting away.
Such Singing in the Wild Branches by Mary Oliver
It was spring
and finally I heard him
among the first leaves -
then I saw him clutching the limb
in an island of shade
with his red-brown feathers
all trim and neat for the new year.
First, I stood still
and thought of nothing.
Then I began to listen.
Then I was filled with gladness -
and that's when it happened,
when I seemed to float,
to be, myself, a wing or a tree -
and I began to understand
what the bird was saying,
and the sands in the glass
stopped
for a pure white moment
while gravity sprinkled upward
like rain, rising,
and in fact
it became difficult to tell just what it was that was singing -
it was the thrush for sure, but it seemed
not a single thrush, but himself, and all his brothers,
and also the trees around them,
as well as the gliding, long-tailed clouds
in the perfectly blue sky - all, all of them
were singing.
And, of course, yes, so it seemed,
so was I.
Such soft and solemn and perfect music doesn't last
for more than a few moments.
It's one of those magical places wise people
like to talk about.
One of the things they say about it, that is true,
is that, once you've been there,
you're there forever.
Listen, everyone has a chance.
Is it spring, is it morning?
Are there trees near you,
and does your own soul need comforting?
Quick, then - open the door and fly on your heavy feet; the song
may already be drifting away.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Dear Mom,
When the world is dark and scary, you remind me about the red tulip that comes up behind the compost pile.
And I realize,
That there is hope...
In spring.
In life.
In the midst of discouragement.
I hope that you know,
How much...
How very much...
I love you.
I wish I could give you real ones.
PLUS:
I wish I could make you some rooibos tea.
And bake you some apple crisp.
And go on a spring walk. And hang out.
Cause really I just miss you a lot.
And I realize,
That there is hope...
In spring.
In life.
In the midst of discouragement.
I hope that you know,
How much...
How very much...
I love you.
I wish I could give you real ones.
PLUS:
I wish I could make you some rooibos tea.
And bake you some apple crisp.
And go on a spring walk. And hang out.
Cause really I just miss you a lot.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Sunday, May 03, 2009
oh golly
Heavy sigh.
And breathe.
I accidentally screwed up one of my practicum papers, and so I am yet again testing out my skills of writing a paper at the eleventh hour. ha ha.
Booo school. Minimum wage has never looked so good to me.
And breathe.
I accidentally screwed up one of my practicum papers, and so I am yet again testing out my skills of writing a paper at the eleventh hour. ha ha.
Booo school. Minimum wage has never looked so good to me.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Brown is a very nice colour.
I want my life to be one of love. I want to love people. I want to take them outside in the garden and carry them armfuls of flowers. I want to hold their hands and tell them I think they are beautiful. I want to accept their words and recognize their hurt. I want to be with them in the midst of their pain and sorrow.
I don't want to develop group therapies and conduct MMST's. Is social work truly a means to the end that I desire?
Simplicity
Emily Dickinson
How happy is the little stone
That rambles in the road alone,
And doesn't care about careers,
And exigencies never fears;
Whose coat of elemental brown
A passing universe put on;
And independent as the sun,
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute decree
In casual simplicity.
I don't want to develop group therapies and conduct MMST's. Is social work truly a means to the end that I desire?
Simplicity
Emily Dickinson
How happy is the little stone
That rambles in the road alone,
And doesn't care about careers,
And exigencies never fears;
Whose coat of elemental brown
A passing universe put on;
And independent as the sun,
Associates or glows alone,
Fulfilling absolute decree
In casual simplicity.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
After my first full week of practicum, and spending my days with delightful senior citizens, I cannot help but be thankful for my freedom. Fleeting and uncertain though they may be, I am grateful for the provision of weekends.
I have gained many insights through this first week:
1. I have the ability to strike fear in the hearts of poor elderly people who suffer from paranoia. This is a new experience for me, and is both frustrating and intoxicating. Don't worry, I will use my power wisely...
2. I am both energized and exhausted through social interactions. I come home feeling exhausticized.
3. Patience is a virtue that I need. It is easy to forget the sadness, pain, dementia, and exhaustion that can impact one's cognitive awareness.
4. People need meaning and purpose to feel like they have worth and value and self-esteem. Discovering and reminiscing about stories is extremely therapeutic for everyone, I think; hence the need for the therapeutic group I am developing on reminiscence.
5. The aging process is beautiful and painful and slow and fast. I think I forget about the deep needs that people have at all stages of life.
6. Relationships and community are VITAL for a healthy, happy life.
7. I want to be cremated. I think. And possibly tossed into the ocean. Or used as fertilizer for some pretty flowers. Much cheaper.
8. Simple gestures, touch, words, even the inclusion of one's presence can provide joy.
9. Musical activities are the most populated social activities among the elderly. I think this speaks to the reality that music is an important element of the soul that needs opportunity to be expressed and enjoyed.
10. Do I want to work with elderly in the future? Possibly. I wouldn't want to deny anyone the opportunity to kick me out of their room, or sing loud, obnoxious Italian music in my ear, or tell me the same story every five minutes.
11. According to the security man when taking my photo for my ID card, I have the worst devil eyes he has ever seen. Hmmm. Not exactly something you want to hear on your first day of working with elderly.
I have gained many insights through this first week:
1. I have the ability to strike fear in the hearts of poor elderly people who suffer from paranoia. This is a new experience for me, and is both frustrating and intoxicating. Don't worry, I will use my power wisely...
2. I am both energized and exhausted through social interactions. I come home feeling exhausticized.
3. Patience is a virtue that I need. It is easy to forget the sadness, pain, dementia, and exhaustion that can impact one's cognitive awareness.
4. People need meaning and purpose to feel like they have worth and value and self-esteem. Discovering and reminiscing about stories is extremely therapeutic for everyone, I think; hence the need for the therapeutic group I am developing on reminiscence.
5. The aging process is beautiful and painful and slow and fast. I think I forget about the deep needs that people have at all stages of life.
6. Relationships and community are VITAL for a healthy, happy life.
7. I want to be cremated. I think. And possibly tossed into the ocean. Or used as fertilizer for some pretty flowers. Much cheaper.
8. Simple gestures, touch, words, even the inclusion of one's presence can provide joy.
9. Musical activities are the most populated social activities among the elderly. I think this speaks to the reality that music is an important element of the soul that needs opportunity to be expressed and enjoyed.
10. Do I want to work with elderly in the future? Possibly. I wouldn't want to deny anyone the opportunity to kick me out of their room, or sing loud, obnoxious Italian music in my ear, or tell me the same story every five minutes.
11. According to the security man when taking my photo for my ID card, I have the worst devil eyes he has ever seen. Hmmm. Not exactly something you want to hear on your first day of working with elderly.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I want seed balls...
Oh how I want to be done studying for exams. Right about now I wouldn't mind walking around the neighborhood hucking balls of dirt. If only...
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Thank you Lord for caffinated beverages
Writing papers all day can actually produce something good...the discovery of new music!!
Check out this interesting band:
Horse in the Sea
56 pages done, and still going strong...I love group counselling. So much.
Check out this interesting band:
Horse in the Sea
56 pages done, and still going strong...I love group counselling. So much.
Friday, March 27, 2009
It's Been a Long Day
My day started out rather abruptly (and coldly), as my assistance was required to help push dearest roommate (Chrissy) out of the driveway. Her car, that is. After some futile pushes (on my part, cause Chrissy is buff, and my workout regime does not appear to be garnering significant results in muscle tone), we found success in the combined efforts of some neighbor.
Following this exciting event which really feels like it occured yesterday due to its early morning nature, I attempted to redeem my my Human Behaviour paper in the remaining 23 minutes before leaving for class. It wasn't actually something that could be achieved in an hour.
The computers at Booth are remarkably slow, and normally I am quite content to sit and stare at the screen while it loads, and think about all the things I could be doing (flossing my teeth, clipping my toenails, etc). However, this morning we were rather late for class, and I admit that I muttered a couple of bad words at the stupid computer. This negative reinforcement (as a form of learning theory) did not produce any positive results, although my paper did eventually print.
Later in the afternoon I spent some time working at the ol' library. My favorite task involves watering the plants. My least favorite task involves reading shelves to make sure that all the books are in order.
I have now retreated to my room to sit on my bed. I am listening to the sounds of my roommates watching Lost, as I begin to write this monstrous paper that is due on Monday. My eyelids are drooping and I am attempting to motivate myself through the positive reinforcement of sleep. However I have realized that this tactic does not work on oneself. Negative reinforcement (the looming F+) is far more motivating. And so, the birth of the group counselling paper extraordinaire begins.
Following this exciting event which really feels like it occured yesterday due to its early morning nature, I attempted to redeem my my Human Behaviour paper in the remaining 23 minutes before leaving for class. It wasn't actually something that could be achieved in an hour.
The computers at Booth are remarkably slow, and normally I am quite content to sit and stare at the screen while it loads, and think about all the things I could be doing (flossing my teeth, clipping my toenails, etc). However, this morning we were rather late for class, and I admit that I muttered a couple of bad words at the stupid computer. This negative reinforcement (as a form of learning theory) did not produce any positive results, although my paper did eventually print.
Later in the afternoon I spent some time working at the ol' library. My favorite task involves watering the plants. My least favorite task involves reading shelves to make sure that all the books are in order.
I have now retreated to my room to sit on my bed. I am listening to the sounds of my roommates watching Lost, as I begin to write this monstrous paper that is due on Monday. My eyelids are drooping and I am attempting to motivate myself through the positive reinforcement of sleep. However I have realized that this tactic does not work on oneself. Negative reinforcement (the looming F+) is far more motivating. And so, the birth of the group counselling paper extraordinaire begins.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Mistakes we knew we were making
I recognize that I am technically wholly immersed in "crunch time", and should really be spending my time writing papers, as opposed to writing on my blog. I have no excuse.
Today we (well, Katie really), got a lil' doggie. She is very sweet and loving. You can read about our grand experiences here.
I am homesick. Or merely experiencing lingering pangs of indigestion. In either case, I wouldn't mind going home for a little trip. It doesn't look like this will happen until August, however.
Also, I simply must express my new found love regarding this lady's poetry. Although today was certainly not a sunny day, this poem reminds me of days to come hopefully soon!
Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver
Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety –
best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light –
good morning, good morning, good morning.
Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.
May your days be filled with happiness and kindness despite miserable occurrences that generally tend to occur in this life thing.
Today we (well, Katie really), got a lil' doggie. She is very sweet and loving. You can read about our grand experiences here.
I am homesick. Or merely experiencing lingering pangs of indigestion. In either case, I wouldn't mind going home for a little trip. It doesn't look like this will happen until August, however.
Also, I simply must express my new found love regarding this lady's poetry. Although today was certainly not a sunny day, this poem reminds me of days to come hopefully soon!
Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver
Hello, sun in my face.
Hello, you who made the morning
and spread it over the fields
and into the faces of the tulips
and the nodding morning glories,
and into the windows of, even, the
miserable and the crotchety –
best preacher that ever was,
dear star, that just happens
to be where you are in the universe
to keep us from ever-darkness,
to ease us with warm touching,
to hold us in the great hands of light –
good morning, good morning, good morning.
Watch, now, how I start the day
in happiness, in kindness.
May your days be filled with happiness and kindness despite miserable occurrences that generally tend to occur in this life thing.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Cheese and Whine
Hmpf. I guess it still surprises me that getting a lower mark can cause me to reconsider my life's journey. I have gotten enough bad marks in my little life to be so affected by this one. My hope is that one day I will be mature enough to disengage my sense of worth from my grades. Today I feel as though I am finally able to say, "SCREW IT ALL!" I have far more reliable means to find my meaning in my life than the stupid educational system. I am embracing the fact that if I want to help people, it is going to take a lot more than a (insert bad grade)to stop me. HAA! Take that.
Yesterday I was reading some of Emily Dickinson's poems...and I came upon my new mantra.
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
My mental image of a fainting robin pretty much consists of this lil' birdie tipping out of his nest and landing beak first in the dirt. My gut reaction is to laugh (my little brother has rubbed off on me) But the essence remains, that if I can do anything for the sake of another, my life will be worth living...and this thought is helping me continue on in this social work thing...
Yesterday I was reading some of Emily Dickinson's poems...and I came upon my new mantra.
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
My mental image of a fainting robin pretty much consists of this lil' birdie tipping out of his nest and landing beak first in the dirt. My gut reaction is to laugh (my little brother has rubbed off on me) But the essence remains, that if I can do anything for the sake of another, my life will be worth living...and this thought is helping me continue on in this social work thing...
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
whoops.
Yes, it is the same plant...thriving one day, and dead the next. I'm not sure what it's problem is. I gave it sunshine and liquids and plant food...but alas, the little darling began to succumb to what ever it was that is making him sick. Sad.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Here is a bit of happiness in my life.
1. I am doing my summer practicum at Misericordia Health Center which is a convenient two minute walk from my home. I am excited. I will be able to assist and accommodate elderly people in a social workey way. I'm still not exactly sure what I will be doing, but I know I have to be dressed up to do it.
2. I was able to attend the beautiful wedding of a friend from Prov this weekend. There were tears from my eyes throughout the ceremony. I'm not sure what prompted this emotional trickle, but I think the overwhelming combination of beautiful music and beautiful people, and the ridiculously excited facial features of the groom had something to do with it. Congratulations Steph and Jamie!
3. I was also able to attend Janna's birthday this weekend which included eating Indian food that was just great, and pumpkin cheesecake that was also just great. I cannot say enough good things about the food, so I figured I would not try. The people were pretty great too. Happy Birthday Janna!
4. There are only 6 more weeks of school left! Enough said.
5. Today is daylight savings time, which means the loss of a beautiful hour of sleep, but which also represents the gaining of a beautiful hour of daylight. Which means that spring is coming!
6. My room is warm (Sorry Katie).
7. I have purchased a new journal and pen, for all my journaling needs. This makes me happy.
8. I really enjoy Wolsely as a neighbourhood.
9. I am listening to piano and violins.
10. I am thankful that love can take so many different forms, and doesn't have to merely consist of romantic affection.
1. I am doing my summer practicum at Misericordia Health Center which is a convenient two minute walk from my home. I am excited. I will be able to assist and accommodate elderly people in a social workey way. I'm still not exactly sure what I will be doing, but I know I have to be dressed up to do it.
2. I was able to attend the beautiful wedding of a friend from Prov this weekend. There were tears from my eyes throughout the ceremony. I'm not sure what prompted this emotional trickle, but I think the overwhelming combination of beautiful music and beautiful people, and the ridiculously excited facial features of the groom had something to do with it. Congratulations Steph and Jamie!
3. I was also able to attend Janna's birthday this weekend which included eating Indian food that was just great, and pumpkin cheesecake that was also just great. I cannot say enough good things about the food, so I figured I would not try. The people were pretty great too. Happy Birthday Janna!
4. There are only 6 more weeks of school left! Enough said.
5. Today is daylight savings time, which means the loss of a beautiful hour of sleep, but which also represents the gaining of a beautiful hour of daylight. Which means that spring is coming!
6. My room is warm (Sorry Katie).
7. I have purchased a new journal and pen, for all my journaling needs. This makes me happy.
8. I really enjoy Wolsely as a neighbourhood.
9. I am listening to piano and violins.
10. I am thankful that love can take so many different forms, and doesn't have to merely consist of romantic affection.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I am in the middle of a dark, tumultuous mist of paper-writing...and yet I cannot help but express my joy at the sunshine coming through my window, and the bag of chocolate chips at my side, and the good music playing through my headphones, and the comforting awareness of roommates in the house. The only thing that would make this moment a little brighter is a hot cup of tea, or warmed up coffee (don't worry it is decaf...or maybe that will make you worry because of the chemicals used to get rid of the caffeine that I would be consuming. At least I won't be running around Wolesly due to excess energy, cause that would be silly. You have to have a dog to run around Wolsely. Everyone has a dog here. Except for the poor college students). Wow. That was a long parentheses.
Ok, my momentary interlude is over.
Peace to you.
Ok, my momentary interlude is over.
Peace to you.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Reading Break...
...is not actually a break.
I am slightly overwhelmed with the amount of assignments that have to be completed this week.
As I am writing this post, I am sitting in the kitchen drinking rooibos and eating a supper made of vegetables with the anticipation of scarfing down a chocolate chip cookie when I am done. I live a paradoxical life.
I am desperate for nature. I like this city and being able to walk to the grocery store and little coffee shops, but I am lonesome for beautiful trees and water and birds and summer warmth. It is hard to escape worries when there is no where to go that doesn't remind me of them. I don't know where to rest in the grace of the world.
The peace of wild things by Wendell Berry
When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
I am slightly overwhelmed with the amount of assignments that have to be completed this week.
As I am writing this post, I am sitting in the kitchen drinking rooibos and eating a supper made of vegetables with the anticipation of scarfing down a chocolate chip cookie when I am done. I live a paradoxical life.
I am desperate for nature. I like this city and being able to walk to the grocery store and little coffee shops, but I am lonesome for beautiful trees and water and birds and summer warmth. It is hard to escape worries when there is no where to go that doesn't remind me of them. I don't know where to rest in the grace of the world.
The peace of wild things by Wendell Berry
When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Gravity Rides Everything
I have been experiencing varying levels of discouragement this week through different arising circumstances...my emotions have consisted of anger, shame, utter humiliation, fear, and are currently hovering around something resembling a forced apathy. I wish I could be more open, and share my stories with the blogdom realm, but I realize that my words represent more than just myself.
The rather blatant and harsh lyrics of Modest Mouse seem to describe to me the wholistic human condition. We may experience hardships. But at least we ALL experience hardships. Gravity catches up with all of us in the end. None are exempt.
"In the motions and the things that you say
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall right into place
When we die, some sink and some lay
But at least I don't see you float away
And all the spilt milk, sex and weight
It all will fall, fall right into place"
I realize that this song is not exactly hopeful, but I guess I find comfort in the fact that common experiences build relationships which build community, which builds hope...and so I end this post upon that optimistic note.
"Everything will fall right into place."
The rather blatant and harsh lyrics of Modest Mouse seem to describe to me the wholistic human condition. We may experience hardships. But at least we ALL experience hardships. Gravity catches up with all of us in the end. None are exempt.
"In the motions and the things that you say
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall right into place
When we die, some sink and some lay
But at least I don't see you float away
And all the spilt milk, sex and weight
It all will fall, fall right into place"
I realize that this song is not exactly hopeful, but I guess I find comfort in the fact that common experiences build relationships which build community, which builds hope...and so I end this post upon that optimistic note.
"Everything will fall right into place."
Monday, February 09, 2009
longing
Speak to Me Gently
by Future of Forestry
Sadness and rhyme
These are the times
These are the memories
We find a way
Pushing through the day
So speak to me gently
Can you just feel the time
Falling from some place new?
Can you just feel the sign?
Love waits for you
Love waits for you
I'm searching the stars
In desperate hours
Bound to find meaning
God shows a face
In this desolate place
And tenderness meets me
Stories untold
Of redwoods grown old
Reside in the forest
And there you can hear
A whispering tear
That speaks into our loneliness
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Can it be?
I am home alone today. Everyone is at work.
This is pretty much the rarest thing ever when you live with 6 other people. I am planning to wash my floor, and do some laundry, and cook something, and maybe I will do some homework. Maybe. The weather is very beautiful and cloudy, and gray and WARM! I may go for a walk also.
Yesterday while working in the library, this lady come in with a visor hat that read: "God, one day I will be rich." This individual was searching for a celibate priest who lived in a church...because she had one in Ireland. I informed her that the Salvation Army officers were generally not celibate and usually didn't live in churches, but she said she just needed help looking for one on the computer. And so, 45 minutes later, after a long, detailed conversation regarding her mission in life (to advocate for her recently deceased friend) we stumbled on google upon a church nearby that was open for drop-in on Friday afternoons. I cheerfully printed out the address, and stamped and dated the sheet (so I could be remembered for my kindness for the rest of her life) and the lady went on her way, to seek justice and wealth, and turn to her last hope, God.
And then I went back to shelving.
This is pretty much the rarest thing ever when you live with 6 other people. I am planning to wash my floor, and do some laundry, and cook something, and maybe I will do some homework. Maybe. The weather is very beautiful and cloudy, and gray and WARM! I may go for a walk also.
Yesterday while working in the library, this lady come in with a visor hat that read: "God, one day I will be rich." This individual was searching for a celibate priest who lived in a church...because she had one in Ireland. I informed her that the Salvation Army officers were generally not celibate and usually didn't live in churches, but she said she just needed help looking for one on the computer. And so, 45 minutes later, after a long, detailed conversation regarding her mission in life (to advocate for her recently deceased friend) we stumbled on google upon a church nearby that was open for drop-in on Friday afternoons. I cheerfully printed out the address, and stamped and dated the sheet (so I could be remembered for my kindness for the rest of her life) and the lady went on her way, to seek justice and wealth, and turn to her last hope, God.
And then I went back to shelving.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Guess...
I thought I would try to do something different and describe myself in pictures as opposed to words. Can you guess what I am doing???
And it is not sleeping.
And it is not sleeping.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Cyber-relating...to post or not to post.
At the moment I am feeling somewhat aloof. As though my experiences and thoughts are unique enough that I am the only one in the world who could somewhat relate with myself. I think that is why I am drawn to music and books and art and people. Sometimes there is a phrase, or a note, or a colour smear that moves my heart and reminds me of the existence of beauty and joy. Which then serves to prove that I am not alone. But rather I am a link, a movement, a part of this life thing. In simple terms, I think that it is easy to feel unique (which we are) but it is also important to remember that we are more alike than we realize, once we start talking and sharing our thoughts...
Here is the part where I share and force you to read about myself. This is called cyber relating.
10 things you probably never knew about Jennie:
1. I wanted to be a photojournalist for National Geographic for most of my life.
2. I never planned on moving to Manitoba. Ever. It just happened.
3. I played field hockey for one year. It did not end well. Something about my "high stick" tendency.
4. When I was in grade 9 I threw bouncy balls at cars from the top of a parkade. And I never got caught.
5. "Reading Rainbow" was my favourite show as a child.
6. In high school I learned that I could hide in the library and people thought I was smart...just because I read books. ha!
7. My hero is Ferris Bueller. He is just so cool.
8. Avocados are my favourite vegetable.
9. I experience middle child symptoms.
10. My nickname in elementary was "Bucky" because of my large, protruding front teeth. Thanks for the braces mom and dad.
Here is the part where I share and force you to read about myself. This is called cyber relating.
10 things you probably never knew about Jennie:
1. I wanted to be a photojournalist for National Geographic for most of my life.
2. I never planned on moving to Manitoba. Ever. It just happened.
3. I played field hockey for one year. It did not end well. Something about my "high stick" tendency.
4. When I was in grade 9 I threw bouncy balls at cars from the top of a parkade. And I never got caught.
5. "Reading Rainbow" was my favourite show as a child.
6. In high school I learned that I could hide in the library and people thought I was smart...just because I read books. ha!
7. My hero is Ferris Bueller. He is just so cool.
8. Avocados are my favourite vegetable.
9. I experience middle child symptoms.
10. My nickname in elementary was "Bucky" because of my large, protruding front teeth. Thanks for the braces mom and dad.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Convoluted LIFE
There is something about life that is very odd. Chocolate does not fix existential problems. Sunshine does not drive away sadness. Social work classes do not automatically presume that one is aware of their purpose and meaning in life. And issues occur for which there are not 3 step solutions.
BUT.
Friends and food and tea are delightful encouragements for any malady.
I am uplifted.
This morning we made waffles.
BUT.
Friends and food and tea are delightful encouragements for any malady.
I am uplifted.
This morning we made waffles.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Wind
Blown by God toward Newness
by Walter Brueggemann
The news is that God's wind is blowing
It may be a breeze that
cools and comforts.
It may be a gust that
summons you to notice.
It may be a storm that blows you where you have
never been before.
Whatever the wind is in your life,
pay attention to it...
and the blessing of God,
Father, Son, and Spirit,
will abide with you always.
I am hoping that the wind in my life will blow away the sixty dollars of fines that I have accumulated at the library...
by Walter Brueggemann
The news is that God's wind is blowing
It may be a breeze that
cools and comforts.
It may be a gust that
summons you to notice.
It may be a storm that blows you where you have
never been before.
Whatever the wind is in your life,
pay attention to it...
and the blessing of God,
Father, Son, and Spirit,
will abide with you always.
I am hoping that the wind in my life will blow away the sixty dollars of fines that I have accumulated at the library...
Thursday, January 08, 2009
I have some time off before school starts on Monday and so I am enjoying listening to some nice music...
Check out Rue Royale
I think they are pretty awesome.
And Angus and Julia Stone
I think they are also pretty awesome.
Check out Rue Royale
I think they are pretty awesome.
And Angus and Julia Stone
I think they are also pretty awesome.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Home Again
Christmas is over, and the new year is upon us! For some reason inexplicable joy is abounding in my stomach despite the necessary goodbyes which were uttered 15 minutes ago. I think I am excited to get back into the routine of school and work, despite my reservations about the rather unfortunate classes that are required this semester (blech, group counselling...no more video assignments, PLEASE!) I am also excited about being able to share the utility bills with 7 people rather than 4. YES, that is right...3 more roommates are arriving this weekend to live in our big green house. It is going to be a FULL house. But I still have the personal oasis of my bedroom. I love people. I think it will be good to have more people around.
For Christmas I received several gifts of particular enjoyment. I got an authentic Greek Fisherman's hat, which I wear with the pride of any good Greek boy (apparently they are all the rage for the male youth of Nelson. I plan to start a trend). I also got several sheets of beeswax with which I can make numerous candles. And I got a scarfette (See Etsy for definition) knitted by my sister. And a GREAT book about AIDS orphans in Africa.
I also was given a hand-me-down camera which has limited button functioning, but can still take a picture...so I can put some more pictures on my blog.
And so, despite my personal chagrin about NOT having a delayed flight (I wanted to stay home longer) I am happy to be back in Winnipeg, in dearest ugly house.
My new year's Resolutions:
1. Wear my glasses more
2. Pay the bills on time
3. Do more readings
4. Love
For Christmas I received several gifts of particular enjoyment. I got an authentic Greek Fisherman's hat, which I wear with the pride of any good Greek boy (apparently they are all the rage for the male youth of Nelson. I plan to start a trend). I also got several sheets of beeswax with which I can make numerous candles. And I got a scarfette (See Etsy for definition) knitted by my sister. And a GREAT book about AIDS orphans in Africa.
I also was given a hand-me-down camera which has limited button functioning, but can still take a picture...so I can put some more pictures on my blog.
And so, despite my personal chagrin about NOT having a delayed flight (I wanted to stay home longer) I am happy to be back in Winnipeg, in dearest ugly house.
My new year's Resolutions:
1. Wear my glasses more
2. Pay the bills on time
3. Do more readings
4. Love
Friday, December 19, 2008
Home
I was hoping that if I changed the aesthetic appearance of this blog, it may bring forth more profound thoughts. Poor misguided Jennie.
Anyway.
I am enjoying home life: the pungent smell of the enormous 11 ft. Christmas tree in our living room, the crackling of the fire, the blue sky that has broken free of the thick layer of clouds, the availability of delicious treats that are remaining from my parents 25th anniversary bash, listening to Sheree Plett's Christmas songs...
Check out Future of Forestry
Anyway.
I am enjoying home life: the pungent smell of the enormous 11 ft. Christmas tree in our living room, the crackling of the fire, the blue sky that has broken free of the thick layer of clouds, the availability of delicious treats that are remaining from my parents 25th anniversary bash, listening to Sheree Plett's Christmas songs...
Check out Future of Forestry
Sunday, December 14, 2008
And the Ghost of Christmas FUTURE wins!
Things I am looking forward too:
-Going home in 1.5 days
-lots and lots of SNOW
-parents
-siblings (and sibling-in-law, I suppose)
-organic chicken
-fireplace
-bookshelves
-warmth
-living under the illusion of no responsibility
-Reading...for delight
-my dad's coffee...or at least a couple of sips
-Working on the family Christmas craft
-real whipped cream
-egg nog
Things I have yet to do:
-finish christmas/birthday shopping
-pack
-mail my student loans
-laundry!
-get rid of the perishables...bye bye spinach.
Things I have done:
-finished off some classes
-survived several days of intense cold
-been remarkably unproductive
-ummm...
-Going home in 1.5 days
-lots and lots of SNOW
-parents
-siblings (and sibling-in-law, I suppose)
-organic chicken
-fireplace
-bookshelves
-warmth
-living under the illusion of no responsibility
-Reading...for delight
-my dad's coffee...or at least a couple of sips
-Working on the family Christmas craft
-real whipped cream
-egg nog
Things I have yet to do:
-finish christmas/birthday shopping
-pack
-mail my student loans
-laundry!
-get rid of the perishables...bye bye spinach.
Things I have done:
-finished off some classes
-survived several days of intense cold
-been remarkably unproductive
-ummm...
Monday, December 08, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
Today I am overwhelmed with the beauty that is people. The unique parts of us that are different and important and so often hidden. We don't always see people's inner world, and it is easy to make assumptions...but when you get a glimpse, a fragment, a taste of who they are...yeah. Right on.
"The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly."
Henry David Thoreau
"The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly."
Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Angst and Secrets and LOVE
Gasp! I have emerged from the dark depths of paper writing...for a brief interlude...to expound upon the angst of my soul.
And to share with you a poem/prayer by Walter Brueggemann from his book "Prayers for a Privileged People"
Exposed to Mercy, Truth, and Newness (on reading Psalm 32)
"We begin the new week toward you,
from whom no secret can be hid.
We have had a night,
and a weekend,
and a lifetime of secrets.
We have stored the usual list of secrets,
of acres of guilt unforgiven,
of desires too rich to utter.
Beyond that, we have a secret list of hurts,
from ancient days with parents and siblings,
from assorted bullies at playschool
and in adult life;
some of us overly sensitive,
all of us grown protective
and capable of self-pity.
Beyond that, we have a secret list of hopes,
some selfish and some noble,
hopes of new freedom and new reconciliation,
of new security and new recognition,
of doing well and being well.
We have so much to keep hidden.
And you know--
you know because you made us and have watched us
from the beginning;
you know because you see us in our waking and our sleeping;
you know because you love us right through,
beyond all of our covert capacity."
And to share with you a poem/prayer by Walter Brueggemann from his book "Prayers for a Privileged People"
Exposed to Mercy, Truth, and Newness (on reading Psalm 32)
"We begin the new week toward you,
from whom no secret can be hid.
We have had a night,
and a weekend,
and a lifetime of secrets.
We have stored the usual list of secrets,
of acres of guilt unforgiven,
of desires too rich to utter.
Beyond that, we have a secret list of hurts,
from ancient days with parents and siblings,
from assorted bullies at playschool
and in adult life;
some of us overly sensitive,
all of us grown protective
and capable of self-pity.
Beyond that, we have a secret list of hopes,
some selfish and some noble,
hopes of new freedom and new reconciliation,
of new security and new recognition,
of doing well and being well.
We have so much to keep hidden.
And you know--
you know because you made us and have watched us
from the beginning;
you know because you see us in our waking and our sleeping;
you know because you love us right through,
beyond all of our covert capacity."
Saturday, November 22, 2008
My Dad's Truck
Ok, when you have survived almost plummeting over a VERY steep cliff WHO has the presence of mind to take a picture of it with their cell phone? My dad is intense.
"His faithfulness is like a shield or a protective wall." Psalm 91:4
"His faithfulness is like a shield or a protective wall." Psalm 91:4
Friday, November 21, 2008
Community Continued....
I think that I entered into this school year with a slightly idealistic perspective about community. I thought it would be relatively easy to enter a new environment and meet people and live happily ever after. Perhaps this is due to living so many years in the wonderful bubble that is the Providence College Residence. Making friends there is not hard. But somehow, when you enter the "real" world, it seems as though the friend making process significantly slows down. Friendships that took days to form, now seem to take weeks, months.
So I am left with the feeling that I need to work harder, be more outgoing, and talk to people more than I am. Ok, I can try. Because relationships are worth it. And community is so much of life.
As a pretty dedicated introvert I cringe at the thought of stepping outside of my comfort zone and pushing myself to initiate conversation. Is there an easier way? Maybe...but I think life is too short and too painful and too beautiful to wait for someone else to make the first move. I offer myself advice in this regard: start small...but start.
So I am left with the feeling that I need to work harder, be more outgoing, and talk to people more than I am. Ok, I can try. Because relationships are worth it. And community is so much of life.
As a pretty dedicated introvert I cringe at the thought of stepping outside of my comfort zone and pushing myself to initiate conversation. Is there an easier way? Maybe...but I think life is too short and too painful and too beautiful to wait for someone else to make the first move. I offer myself advice in this regard: start small...but start.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Community
Community is a dance. A harmonious, warm, beautiful movement.
It is our burden. Our duty. Our longing. Our purpose.
It is action. It is growth. It is development.
"This is the duty of our generation as we enter the twenty-first century -- solidarity with the weak, the persecuted, the lonely, the sick, and those in despair. It is expressed by the desire to give a noble and humanizing meaning to a community in which all members will define themselves not by their own identity but by that of others."
Elie Wiesel
It is our burden. Our duty. Our longing. Our purpose.
It is action. It is growth. It is development.
"This is the duty of our generation as we enter the twenty-first century -- solidarity with the weak, the persecuted, the lonely, the sick, and those in despair. It is expressed by the desire to give a noble and humanizing meaning to a community in which all members will define themselves not by their own identity but by that of others."
Elie Wiesel
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Reader's Disgression is Advised....
Today is the anniversary of my almost severed fingers...It happened one grey, dismal Thursday afternoon 9 years ago...
The Woodworking Classroom:
...I was making my mother a cutting board in woodworking class. Grade eight. Mr. Jenson. I had this beautiful piece of maple wood, and I was using the planer so that it would be smooth and beautiful, and the wood got stuck. Now most people who are smart would have turned off this highly powerful machine in order to remove the stuck object...but I did not. I tried to pull the wood back towards me, but the blade was so strong that it pulled my fingers closer, and closer, and ZOINK. That is the sound that was made when my fingers hit the blade. I stood in shock holding my hand awkwardly, the bones protruding, the blood oozing (this is my favorite part!) and then I tried to walk towards someone, help, anybody...but my legs wouldn't move, so I stood there for awhile until help arrived, and then I was sat down by the sink, so that I would not bleed on the floor, while the school contacted someone who had first-aid training to come to the basement level, and bind me, before I left for the hospital...
The Hospital:
Three words describe this time period: tears, pain, embarrassment.
The tears did not arrive until my mother did. The pain was present for the duration, particularly while they unwrapped the initial dressing, put needles in between my fingers, and took x-rays...The embarrassment occurred when one of the nurses told me that her son was in one of my classes, and I was imagining the future discussions that would take place around school ("did you hear about the girl who almost cut off her fingers, and cried? yeah my mom was her nurse.")
The Night:
Very awkward sleep.
The Next Morning/afternoon:
Crying in the hospital waiting for the plastic surgeon to look at my hand for 5 hours...And finally having surgery, and getting my fingers reconstructed!! A happy time because they gave me morphine.
The Recovery:
Doctor's appointments.
Fellow peers laughing at the posture that my middle finger had in its bandage. Sometimes I would point it in their direction if they got really irritating.
Fear that my fingers would get infected, and amputated.
Uncomfortable bathing experiences.
My stuffed frog
and LOVE....
The Moral(s):
When there are signs on power tools that say "CAUTION" or "DANGER" pay attention to them.
AND
There are people who care about your well-being...even people who you have never spoken to before express concern...It is frustrating that it often takes a crisis to know that you are loved...so I hope this is a reminder for you that you ARE!
The End.
The Woodworking Classroom:
...I was making my mother a cutting board in woodworking class. Grade eight. Mr. Jenson. I had this beautiful piece of maple wood, and I was using the planer so that it would be smooth and beautiful, and the wood got stuck. Now most people who are smart would have turned off this highly powerful machine in order to remove the stuck object...but I did not. I tried to pull the wood back towards me, but the blade was so strong that it pulled my fingers closer, and closer, and ZOINK. That is the sound that was made when my fingers hit the blade. I stood in shock holding my hand awkwardly, the bones protruding, the blood oozing (this is my favorite part!) and then I tried to walk towards someone, help, anybody...but my legs wouldn't move, so I stood there for awhile until help arrived, and then I was sat down by the sink, so that I would not bleed on the floor, while the school contacted someone who had first-aid training to come to the basement level, and bind me, before I left for the hospital...
The Hospital:
Three words describe this time period: tears, pain, embarrassment.
The tears did not arrive until my mother did. The pain was present for the duration, particularly while they unwrapped the initial dressing, put needles in between my fingers, and took x-rays...The embarrassment occurred when one of the nurses told me that her son was in one of my classes, and I was imagining the future discussions that would take place around school ("did you hear about the girl who almost cut off her fingers, and cried? yeah my mom was her nurse.")
The Night:
Very awkward sleep.
The Next Morning/afternoon:
Crying in the hospital waiting for the plastic surgeon to look at my hand for 5 hours...And finally having surgery, and getting my fingers reconstructed!! A happy time because they gave me morphine.
The Recovery:
Doctor's appointments.
Fellow peers laughing at the posture that my middle finger had in its bandage. Sometimes I would point it in their direction if they got really irritating.
Fear that my fingers would get infected, and amputated.
Uncomfortable bathing experiences.
My stuffed frog
and LOVE....
The Moral(s):
When there are signs on power tools that say "CAUTION" or "DANGER" pay attention to them.
AND
There are people who care about your well-being...even people who you have never spoken to before express concern...It is frustrating that it often takes a crisis to know that you are loved...so I hope this is a reminder for you that you ARE!
The End.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Recent Insights that Have Proven Invaluable in the Past Few Days:
-I cannot drink coffee any later than noon...and before that only in very small quantities...otherwise, this strange phenomenon occurs where I cannot breathe and I feel like I have to run around in circles. Plus, it makes me talk in class...yeah, its pretty bad.
-I occasionally can use humour in a negative way to reflect my cynicism. This is sometimes funny...and sometimes very awful. I would rather be a dull-witted earwig than say hurtful things to the ones I love.
-I am a people pleaser. I already knew that, but it still proves to be an invaluable insight in recent days, so there it is.
-I am skill-less...Yes it is true. I have this yearning to be cool and stuff...and have skills like canning...my sister is a great preserver. Or a great baseball player...my brother is a great 2nd base man...Or the friendly neighbourhood Wilderness Guide, I love the forest...Or an amazing singer who carries her guitar 50 blocks to the local coffee shop in order to entertain customers in exchange for free coffee and good conversation. But, here I am, in the prime of life with no real grasp on myself, except for a list of things that I would LIKE to be good at. All this to say, I have great hope for myself...one day I will laugh in the face of my skill-less days.
-Listening to Waking Ashland reminds me of my first year at Prov...and flopping around on the floor in helpless giggles. Oddest combination with this particular music choice, I know.
-I must always, always carry my house keys with me (see final insight for further insight, ha ha)
-Be a person of love and acceptance and warmth and relationship, and utter humbleness...
-Cut fingernails before playing bowling (is that the correct phrase? do you play bowling)
-Make my lunch and supper the night before Monday in order to avoid frantic grabbing of very random food items.
-Go to bed earlier to increase my brain activity...it is a true fact. I read all about it in a health magazine today while sitting in the hospital waiting room for dearest roommate who cut her self trying to break into our house.
-I occasionally can use humour in a negative way to reflect my cynicism. This is sometimes funny...and sometimes very awful. I would rather be a dull-witted earwig than say hurtful things to the ones I love.
-I am a people pleaser. I already knew that, but it still proves to be an invaluable insight in recent days, so there it is.
-I am skill-less...Yes it is true. I have this yearning to be cool and stuff...and have skills like canning...my sister is a great preserver. Or a great baseball player...my brother is a great 2nd base man...Or the friendly neighbourhood Wilderness Guide, I love the forest...Or an amazing singer who carries her guitar 50 blocks to the local coffee shop in order to entertain customers in exchange for free coffee and good conversation. But, here I am, in the prime of life with no real grasp on myself, except for a list of things that I would LIKE to be good at. All this to say, I have great hope for myself...one day I will laugh in the face of my skill-less days.
-Listening to Waking Ashland reminds me of my first year at Prov...and flopping around on the floor in helpless giggles. Oddest combination with this particular music choice, I know.
-I must always, always carry my house keys with me (see final insight for further insight, ha ha)
-Be a person of love and acceptance and warmth and relationship, and utter humbleness...
-Cut fingernails before playing bowling (is that the correct phrase? do you play bowling)
-Make my lunch and supper the night before Monday in order to avoid frantic grabbing of very random food items.
-Go to bed earlier to increase my brain activity...it is a true fact. I read all about it in a health magazine today while sitting in the hospital waiting room for dearest roommate who cut her self trying to break into our house.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sun is Near...
Cold nose.
Chilly fingers.
Cramped position.
Caffeine lingers.
Typing papers.
Trailing lots.
Thoughts are fleeting.
Thinking stops.
Stuck facade.
Stranded here.
Still breathing.
Sun is near.
Found image here.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
whoops, i did it again
Growth. That age-old concept that as we develop and mature, we will make fewer mistakes, and become a person of wisdom and intellect. This is wrong. At least for me. I am discovering that I mess up pretty regularly, and it is often attributed to my lack of knowledge, my lack of humbleness, my lack of intuition, my lack of sense, my lack of...ok, I'm done.
I was reading in my counselling textbook that it is important for counsellors to have grace and courtesy towards their clients to acknowledge when they have made a mistake. This is great...but it is the last thing I would like to do. As a person who avoids conflict, I mostly just want to go home and hide under the blankets, and pretend that I didn't make someone cry by inadvertently slandering their nephew's mother-in-law who has a rare tropical disease that I was unaware of (I have nightmares of this sort of thing).
Strength of character. Patience to listen. Pursuit of truth. Demonstration of justice. Actions of love. Words of mercy. Search for knowledge. Desire for understanding. All things I am living for, and working for. And then reality hits, and I realize how small I am...and how far I have to go.
So, maybe you are wondering what mistake I made that was so awful to prompt this post on growth (or lack thereof). Well, I can't say. As a person of avoidance, I have difficulty admitting when I make a mistake. Sorry. I just don't want to lose my friends.
Speaking of, here is another roommate picture!!!
I was reading in my counselling textbook that it is important for counsellors to have grace and courtesy towards their clients to acknowledge when they have made a mistake. This is great...but it is the last thing I would like to do. As a person who avoids conflict, I mostly just want to go home and hide under the blankets, and pretend that I didn't make someone cry by inadvertently slandering their nephew's mother-in-law who has a rare tropical disease that I was unaware of (I have nightmares of this sort of thing).
Strength of character. Patience to listen. Pursuit of truth. Demonstration of justice. Actions of love. Words of mercy. Search for knowledge. Desire for understanding. All things I am living for, and working for. And then reality hits, and I realize how small I am...and how far I have to go.
So, maybe you are wondering what mistake I made that was so awful to prompt this post on growth (or lack thereof). Well, I can't say. As a person of avoidance, I have difficulty admitting when I make a mistake. Sorry. I just don't want to lose my friends.
Speaking of, here is another roommate picture!!!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
An Update:
1) I enjoy working in the library. It is a pleasant mix of monotonous work, and, uh, well, shelving? I am developing good forearm muscles dragging the obstinate book cart around, and as for shelf shifting, well lets just say that I am morphing into super bionic woman who has muscles. No laughing please (ahem, Kim?)
2) I am significantly enjoying my classes. Of particular interest to me, is Clinical Practice, and Counselling Children and Adolescents. I am considering Bibliotherapy as an occupation...with additional uses of play therapy, art therapy and cinematherapy. Did you know that there was such a thing as using books to help children and adolescents work through issues?? How wonderful.
3) It is fall, and the leaves have descended. The beautiful trees that sheltered my head from the rain as I walk to school are quite bare. The air is getting colder, as is our house. Official apologies to all visitors. BYOS - Bring your own slippers...and mitts and scarfs and down blankets, etc. We will supply the hot beverage.
4) Check out The Weepies..
The End.
1) I enjoy working in the library. It is a pleasant mix of monotonous work, and, uh, well, shelving? I am developing good forearm muscles dragging the obstinate book cart around, and as for shelf shifting, well lets just say that I am morphing into super bionic woman who has muscles. No laughing please (ahem, Kim?)
2) I am significantly enjoying my classes. Of particular interest to me, is Clinical Practice, and Counselling Children and Adolescents. I am considering Bibliotherapy as an occupation...with additional uses of play therapy, art therapy and cinematherapy. Did you know that there was such a thing as using books to help children and adolescents work through issues?? How wonderful.
3) It is fall, and the leaves have descended. The beautiful trees that sheltered my head from the rain as I walk to school are quite bare. The air is getting colder, as is our house. Official apologies to all visitors. BYOS - Bring your own slippers...and mitts and scarfs and down blankets, etc. We will supply the hot beverage.
4) Check out The Weepies..
The End.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Encouraging song of the week...
by Mute Math
Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Concious of every move getting harder
Has the race gone underwater?
I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
To convince me
It's still far from over, oh
We are still far
We are still far
We are still far from over
Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Concious of every move getting harder
Has the race gone underwater?
I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
To convince me
It's still far from over, oh
We are still far
We are still far
We are still far from over
Monday, October 13, 2008
I am feeling nostalgic tonight. Perhaps it is due in part to being homesick for family this Thanksgiving holiday. My sister is off becoming the next Max Weber, and my parents are home in BC enjoying the multiple pumpkin pies that were made from our home-grown pumpkins. And I, the solitary member, am far away from both.
But I will keep my upper lip stiff, and carry on...
But I will keep my upper lip stiff, and carry on...
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
I dyed my hair. I have never dyed my hair before. I chose a dark brown colour called "mocha" cause it sounded tasty. Larisa did the honours for me...and now my hair looks different, and yet the same. I didn't look like the girl on the box, which was kind of a let down. Oh false advertising. tsk tsk. Consumeristic culture that I so naively "buy" into. ha ha.
This was a big deal for me, as I would not consider myself as a person entirely comfortable with change, especially when it is dye.
But I am proud that I can go out of my comfort zone and enter the dark place of hair dye and cosmetics. Gahh!
I will post pictures...
In the meantime, enjoy this carefully selected portion of my beloved Anne of Green Gables...
This was a big deal for me, as I would not consider myself as a person entirely comfortable with change, especially when it is dye.
But I am proud that I can go out of my comfort zone and enter the dark place of hair dye and cosmetics. Gahh!
I will post pictures...
In the meantime, enjoy this carefully selected portion of my beloved Anne of Green Gables...
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
There is sunshine glowing through my window and reflecting off of the highly polished wooden floor. I am grateful for my lil' room and the solitude and rest it provides. I am attempting to complete my second paper of the school year, and my brain is experiencing this weird numbness where I cannot concentrate on my words. Hence, my sentences end up sounding garbled and awkward....and I am ashamed of the finished product. I am especially concerned for the myriad of video tapes and class presentations that I have to do in the next couple weeks. If I am having this much trouble writing a paper that I can edit and rewrite in the privacy of my home, HOW am I going to perform essentially on the spot in front of PEOPLE??? gahh.
In other news...
...I am the new assistant librarian person. Being surrounded by books and stuff...sounds pretty great. Maybe there is an elite librarian person club that I can join, and we can laugh at all the students who forget to bring their library cards when signing out books. ha ha ha. Too bad for you! But don't worry, I will hold your books here at the counter while you run home through 50km northern winds and piercing snow specks. Just joking. If it is within my power at all, I would let everyone sign out books, library card or not. Unless they are an axe murderer. Grace only extends so far.
This morning I trotted over to the Tall Grass Bakery down the street and picked up some bread. I got sourdough and spelt bread. It is sure to remind me of home...and Kaslo bread. hmmm.
LUNCHTIME!
In other news...
...I am the new assistant librarian person. Being surrounded by books and stuff...sounds pretty great. Maybe there is an elite librarian person club that I can join, and we can laugh at all the students who forget to bring their library cards when signing out books. ha ha ha. Too bad for you! But don't worry, I will hold your books here at the counter while you run home through 50km northern winds and piercing snow specks. Just joking. If it is within my power at all, I would let everyone sign out books, library card or not. Unless they are an axe murderer. Grace only extends so far.
This morning I trotted over to the Tall Grass Bakery down the street and picked up some bread. I got sourdough and spelt bread. It is sure to remind me of home...and Kaslo bread. hmmm.
LUNCHTIME!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My life
Papers.
Sunshine.
Leaves.
Tea.
Chocolate.
Student Loans.
Walking.
Saying Goodbye.
Saying Hello.
Food.
Job Interviews.
Work.
Books.
People.
Laughter.
and....Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Sunshine.
Leaves.
Tea.
Chocolate.
Student Loans.
Walking.
Saying Goodbye.
Saying Hello.
Food.
Job Interviews.
Work.
Books.
People.
Laughter.
and....Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long. - E. E. Cummings
I know it is not legally fall yet...but the weather has gotten colder and windier, and grayer. It is time for scarves and toques. Our house is rather chilly, and so I have resorted to wearing woolly socks, and multiple sweaters.
With fall weather comes school. I think I have this strange addiction to school. As though I am afraid of entering the work force for good. I suppose I must soak in these last two years, as they may be my last. Although I hope they aren't. I must be ill. I'm sure once the homework hits I will feel better.
My mind is quite overwhelmed, because there are so many little things that i have to do, and i don't have time or the resources to do them...so I am in this weird space of anxiousness/helplessness.
Last night I ate a cinnamon bun from the Tall Grass Bakery, and it was pretty great. And I drank about 5 pots of tea. And I officially turned the heat on...for about 15 minutes...just to take the edge off. I think it really helped because I didn't wake up shivering this morning.
I am enjoying living in the city i think...it is nice to be able to walk places, and stuff. But it is a busy life...and I am all for living simply. I think living in dorm at Prov was nice because I didn't spend very much money. I have already spent about $15 on buying tea and goodies from the nice coffee shop down the road.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I am done work! And I am on holiday! I am admiring the beautiful Pacific Ocean at this very moment....One day I am going to live by the ocean...if it is to be part of my life's journey of course. Maybe I will live in Victoria or Kenya, or Seattle or....I am not too picky.
After perusing many delightfully expensive shops this morning with Starbucks in hand, I pondered the "richness" of life. I much prefer the simple pleasures that arise from relationships and beauty as opposed to the possessing and retaining of objects that will rust and decay. However, I also realized that I like buying things. I saw some cute story pictures by an artist Brian Andreas, that I dearly loved. I restrained myself of course, as I am living on the tightest of budgets in order to live independently.
After perusing many delightfully expensive shops this morning with Starbucks in hand, I pondered the "richness" of life. I much prefer the simple pleasures that arise from relationships and beauty as opposed to the possessing and retaining of objects that will rust and decay. However, I also realized that I like buying things. I saw some cute story pictures by an artist Brian Andreas, that I dearly loved. I restrained myself of course, as I am living on the tightest of budgets in order to live independently.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
ahhh, yes
“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.”
Donald Miller
Donald Miller
Sunday, August 17, 2008
And so begins my last week at home in BC before entering yet another phase in my life. My mind is full of endless lists of things that must get done before I can leave, not the least of these is the challenge of trying to cram a years supply of stuff into a 50 pound suitcase. Plus, I am searching for the perfect back pack, that will make commuting to school much nicer with my millions of textbooks, and laptop, and food, and water, and music, and extra books to read just in case, and extra clothes just in case, and TEA etc. I haven't found one yet.
And so...it is Sunday, a day that I should be using to be productive, and start on my list. But it is nice to wake up slowly and think about things like blackberries and gardens and books and tea and pretty scarves that friends give you on your birthday instead of wondering about the could-be's, and the hope-nots, and the what-ifs.
I am currently stressed...but living in denial. Which only works for so long, and is soon to come to a crashing end. Right. Now.
And so...it is Sunday, a day that I should be using to be productive, and start on my list. But it is nice to wake up slowly and think about things like blackberries and gardens and books and tea and pretty scarves that friends give you on your birthday instead of wondering about the could-be's, and the hope-nots, and the what-ifs.
I am currently stressed...but living in denial. Which only works for so long, and is soon to come to a crashing end. Right. Now.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Current thoughts:
1. Money - it is desperately needed, and desperately hated all at the same time. I am dearly poor. But debt free...and without a bike and a car. Don't worry, I wouldn't let them take my legs.
2. Life - sweet and lovely, with the occasional pooling of emotions that brings both pain and inner reflection. Work is constant...but people are ever changing which makes my days so much more interesting. Particularly at daycare. And particularly when a certain little boy attends daycare who moves fast. Like a train. Hurtling down the track regardless of little, innocent bunny rabbits in the way.
3. Art - a necessary form of expressing oneself, that allows one to reveal their passion and identity to the people around them. It is a doorway. A window to the soul. A way to identify. A way to realize that one is not alone in the world, but there are those who know and understand. A method of communication that, at times, is far stronger than audible words can convey.
4. School - according to the textbook list, extremely out of my zone of wowness. Plus it is scary. I dream of taking classes about pencil crayon drawing, and the effects that AIDS has on children in Africa, and a class on the history and benefits of tea, and a course on beautiful music. I think the idealistic part of my INFJ personality is coming through. Social work is a means to an end...right?
5. Relationships - desired, sought after, and worked towards. Loving one another. Being accepting towards one another. Embracing those we are frustrated by. A challenge. One I often dismiss as a lower priority. I am wondering about the forgetfulness of self without becoming self-destructive. There is a balance, but the lines are blurred and situations differ.
2. Life - sweet and lovely, with the occasional pooling of emotions that brings both pain and inner reflection. Work is constant...but people are ever changing which makes my days so much more interesting. Particularly at daycare. And particularly when a certain little boy attends daycare who moves fast. Like a train. Hurtling down the track regardless of little, innocent bunny rabbits in the way.
3. Art - a necessary form of expressing oneself, that allows one to reveal their passion and identity to the people around them. It is a doorway. A window to the soul. A way to identify. A way to realize that one is not alone in the world, but there are those who know and understand. A method of communication that, at times, is far stronger than audible words can convey.
4. School - according to the textbook list, extremely out of my zone of wowness. Plus it is scary. I dream of taking classes about pencil crayon drawing, and the effects that AIDS has on children in Africa, and a class on the history and benefits of tea, and a course on beautiful music. I think the idealistic part of my INFJ personality is coming through. Social work is a means to an end...right?
5. Relationships - desired, sought after, and worked towards. Loving one another. Being accepting towards one another. Embracing those we are frustrated by. A challenge. One I often dismiss as a lower priority. I am wondering about the forgetfulness of self without becoming self-destructive. There is a balance, but the lines are blurred and situations differ.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Happy Birthday Wendell Berry...and self.
Today is Wendell Berry's birthday, and as a tribute to his personage, I have written him a little ditty.
Oh Wendell Berry you write good stuff,
You are smart and really tough.
You live on a farm and love the land,
How I wish I could shake your hand.
Oh Wendell Berry, how wise, how grand,
Your words inspire me to rise and stand...
And whisper the truth about humanity,
Which echoes about on a daily basis.
Sorry about that last line, I couldn't think of a good word to rhyme with humanity.
Anyway, here is a poem that Wendell wrote that is an especial favourite of mine. I think his own words do him justice far more than anything I could ever write about him.
and come in beneath
the blessed and the blessing trees.
Though I am silent
there is singing around me.
Though I am dark
there is vision around me.
Though I am heavy
there is flight around me.
Oh Wendell Berry you write good stuff,
You are smart and really tough.
You live on a farm and love the land,
How I wish I could shake your hand.
Oh Wendell Berry, how wise, how grand,
Your words inspire me to rise and stand...
And whisper the truth about humanity,
Which echoes about on a daily basis.
Sorry about that last line, I couldn't think of a good word to rhyme with humanity.
Anyway, here is a poem that Wendell wrote that is an especial favourite of mine. I think his own words do him justice far more than anything I could ever write about him.
Woods
by Wendell Berry
I part the out thrusting branchesand come in beneath
the blessed and the blessing trees.
Though I am silent
there is singing around me.
Though I am dark
there is vision around me.
Though I am heavy
there is flight around me.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Current Rambling Thoughts
Social work? what, I can't do Social Work! I must be crazy yes, yes. Crazy hmmm. Married? My friend is married? Today? OH MY GOODNESS! My friend is a married person. Wow. So great, and yet just so weird. Really crazily. Change. Life is change. Roommates. I think people must not like me. Or something. God? why don't people want to be my roommate? Why is it so difficult to find roommates? Why is it so stressful not having enough roommates? Life. Life has stress. A thought: I am an ISLAND. Not in a depressing, anti-people sort of way...but in a way where I am realising that I cannot rely on people to fill me, to make me HAPPY. I can't. I try and wait patiently for people to come into my life and bring me satisfaction. But people are far too disappointing. I NEED GOD! I like my daycare job. I don't like my filing job. Filing is strenuous. Too much dust. Too much stuff. Too much garbage. Too many papers. Sun. I like sunny days. I like Africa. I want to go to Africa soon. I wish I had brought my African Summer tea home. I wish it wasn't packed up and sitting in Winnipeg. I wish that I knew my living situation better for the fall. I wish I could stop worrying. I like tea. Tea is soothing. Tea is nice. I spilled my tea in my car twice. It was sad. I am going hiking tomorrow. Glad. I like to hike. I like to be outside. But I enjoy my bed. I need to go to bed. I am an introvert. Most times. Yes. I am. Bed. OK
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
wahhhhh!
Last night I had a horrible dream...I was in school, and I had just written a sociology paper for Dr. Hiebert and I had worked soooooo hard on it, and put so much thought and effort and passion into it. This paper was worth 30% of my grade, and when I received it back I had only been given 1 out of 30. In tears of shame and horror, I took my paper to my professor in a valiant attempt to get what I felt was a just grade...to my dismay, Dr. Hiebert refused to change my mark, and I failed the course. I woke up in tears. To be fair, Dr. Hiebert would never be this hard hearted, and so I am consoled knowing that it was all a bad dream. Whew! I guess I am starting to think about school again. In light of Evil Wednesday rapidly approaching in less than an hour, school work is starting to look pretty appealing. Just gotta get through tomorrow..."chug, chug" said the little engine that could...........(sorry, too much daycare!)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
It is Tuesday evening. Tomorrow I am working at daycare all day, and then in the evening I am coordinating a play time for ridiculous, loud, mouthy boys ages 8-12 (I like them, I really do!). It may come as a great shock to most people, but I have a hard time speaking loud enough for very 20 million noisy kids to hear. And so, most Wednesday evenings I return home with a sore throat and a voice like Louis Armstrong. I am going to buy a whistle. A really loud piercing whistle. How did I get this job if I am not so great at leading really large groups you may ask? Well, it was offered to me out of desperation...how could I turn it down? It just creates a VERY long workday, that involves A LOT OF KIDS!! I find that I prefer the 3-5 age group better. Much less mouthy...they also usually refrain from using profanity and beating each other up. Kids these days...tsk tsk.
Anyway, my point to my original sentence, that tonight is Tuesday, was meant to infer that there are only 3 more days left to my work week...which means that the week is almost half over. Which means that....duh duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuh (aka drumroll)....there are only 4.5 days until my sister arrives. Excited Linds? Yeah, I thought so....Only 3 days of work left for you too, AND you are two hours ahead of me...Lucky. Bought any more snacks yet? Notice how I am trying to entice you into leaving me a comment by asking you questions? Yeah, I'm pretty smart.
The other day I bought myself The Village. It was on sale. It is a great movie...and just a LITTLE scary. Plus the music is great...and I like the main character Ivy. I'm not exactly sure why I am drawn to her character since she is far more bolder than I. I suppose it is my personal desire for bravery (which, according to Facebook I am sorely lacking).
I had to renew Mansfield Park at the Library today. I think my brain is turning into mush...and so quickly! I must keep it active, must! School is still two months away!
Well, my paragraphs are getting shorter, so I must be getting tired.
Goodnight.
ha ha.
ha.
Anyway, my point to my original sentence, that tonight is Tuesday, was meant to infer that there are only 3 more days left to my work week...which means that the week is almost half over. Which means that....duh duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuh (aka drumroll)....there are only 4.5 days until my sister arrives. Excited Linds? Yeah, I thought so....Only 3 days of work left for you too, AND you are two hours ahead of me...Lucky. Bought any more snacks yet? Notice how I am trying to entice you into leaving me a comment by asking you questions? Yeah, I'm pretty smart.
The other day I bought myself The Village. It was on sale. It is a great movie...and just a LITTLE scary. Plus the music is great...and I like the main character Ivy. I'm not exactly sure why I am drawn to her character since she is far more bolder than I. I suppose it is my personal desire for bravery (which, according to Facebook I am sorely lacking).
I had to renew Mansfield Park at the Library today. I think my brain is turning into mush...and so quickly! I must keep it active, must! School is still two months away!
Well, my paragraphs are getting shorter, so I must be getting tired.
Goodnight.
ha ha.
ha.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
All That I Can Say
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
David Crowder
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
David Crowder
Sunday, July 06, 2008
My toe is healing very nicely. The pretty colours are fading, and the swelling has been greatly reduced. This is good. Especially since I do not have an office job. ha ha. I realized that at the moment, I am working five different jobs. I work at a daycare, I work at a childcare resource and referral office, I work at the Family Place, I coordinate a play time for kids 8-12, and I paint/stain whenever I have time off, which has not been as often these days. I have a calendar that has lots of times and places written on it to help me remember everything. It makes me feel very important. I especially enjoy carrying it around with me, and then when people ask if I am busy on a certain day, I can whip it out and pretend like I am a lawyer or something.
This weekend was rather un-relaxing, as I worked 12 hours on friday, and then most of saturday. Today was my rest day but I was so tired that it was hard to rest. If that makes any sense at all. I woke up still thought processing, because I didn't have time to get it out of the way before. That is an annoying way to be awoken. I'm sure this week will be better...and not so hectic.
I apologize if this blog appears to be my venting ground. I realize that I talk about work and painful appendages a lot. Unfortunately those two things are fairly prominent (and rather annoying) in my current life.
I will try to expound my thoughts in other areas of life:
*My dad is in Mexico building houses. I think that is pretty great.
*The weather is nice, I need to do laundry. These thoughts are connected because I have run out of clean shorts, which I need to wear because of the nice weather.
*My sister is coming for a visit.
*I am overwhelmed with a multitude of responsibilities.
*I am envying my childhood.
*Tomorrow is Monday. Already.
*I am searching for meaning. In relationships. In work. In school. In life. In God.
*I am finding joy in drinking tea and reading.
*I am thankful for grace and forgiveness.
*I like the Lion King. Lots and lots. It is just a great movie. It even has that whole Hamlet symbolic thing going on. Plus the whole African setting thing is a pretty big bonus.
*I am enjoying getting to know my coworkers.
*I need to pray more.
There, those are some thoughts that I have been mulling over this week.
This weekend was rather un-relaxing, as I worked 12 hours on friday, and then most of saturday. Today was my rest day but I was so tired that it was hard to rest. If that makes any sense at all. I woke up still thought processing, because I didn't have time to get it out of the way before. That is an annoying way to be awoken. I'm sure this week will be better...and not so hectic.
I apologize if this blog appears to be my venting ground. I realize that I talk about work and painful appendages a lot. Unfortunately those two things are fairly prominent (and rather annoying) in my current life.
I will try to expound my thoughts in other areas of life:
*My dad is in Mexico building houses. I think that is pretty great.
*The weather is nice, I need to do laundry. These thoughts are connected because I have run out of clean shorts, which I need to wear because of the nice weather.
*My sister is coming for a visit.
*I am overwhelmed with a multitude of responsibilities.
*I am envying my childhood.
*Tomorrow is Monday. Already.
*I am searching for meaning. In relationships. In work. In school. In life. In God.
*I am finding joy in drinking tea and reading.
*I am thankful for grace and forgiveness.
*I like the Lion King. Lots and lots. It is just a great movie. It even has that whole Hamlet symbolic thing going on. Plus the whole African setting thing is a pretty big bonus.
*I am enjoying getting to know my coworkers.
*I need to pray more.
There, those are some thoughts that I have been mulling over this week.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
A Lament to My Toe
Oh dear little toe, how I lament your bruisidness. Your function has been "sorely" missed in the past few hours. When I walk down the street I consider your swollen state, and sigh. When I chase children around, I cringe with teary eyes when their sandaled feet step on you. Oh toe, you are worthy of great affection, and I am realizing with dismay how you have been neglected in the past. I took you for granted. You are an asset to my body, and for that I humbly apologize for stubbing you repeatedly, and then allowing children of various shapes and sizes to step on you. How could I tell their smiling little faces to get off? They didn't know that you were being hurt....sigh. Oh toe, please get better soon. I need you more than you may realize.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Happy day, Canada!
In honor of my nation's birthday, I took a quiz on how well I know Canada. To my dismay, I failed miserably. I should have known better. I have never done very well on tests. Nevertheless, I am thankful to live where I do. I went to the park to celebrate. There were a lot of people. I love people. I just have difficulty enjoying being amid throngs of sweaty, paint-covered, sunscreen smothered bodies. BUT, I got to hold a baby. That was pretty exciting. Plus, I got to build a sand-hippo.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
la la la. this is me being happy, cause i have full-time WORK!!!! at last! at last! la la la la la la la!!! and the weather is great, and people are great, and money is great, and books are great, and rabbits are evil. I am house-sitting an evil, evil bunny rabbit. It looks at me, and growls. Now, I am an experienced bunny person. I have owned at least 5 in my lifetime, if not more, and I have never encountered a rabbit that sits in the corner and bares its teeth and growls at you when you approach waving a carrot in its face. I don't know how to befriend this little monster. And in fact, I am going to give up trying to be nice. It is time to show him who is BOSS (that's me).
My family is away in Spokane, attending some baseball thingy where my brother is going to play for a MLB scout. Wow! I know nothing more about this thingy, but it sounds impressive, so I have decided that I should brag. Wow! Meanwhile, I am at home. Alone. Waaaaaay out here in the country where the fat, garbage-eating bears roam. Yes. We have bears. I have cleaned up icky garbage after their all night feasts, twice! Yuck.
Do you ever have this all-consuming fear that when you get in your car it is not going to start? Well, I have that. My car is on its last legs/wheels, and sometimes when I try to start it, it shudders and groans, and whrrrnss (I don't know how else to describe this noise). I am not worried about this when my family is home, as I know someone will come and rescue me. But when they are away, I am fearful that I am going to get stranded somewhere on the side of a country road where no one will find me for many days. Anyway, I am hoping that my car will limp along until the end of the summer. Actually what I really wish, is that I was close enough to work that I could walk, so I could save money, get excercise, and not hinder the environment!! I really do feel rather conscious stricken about all fuel I use. Sigh.
Here is some happiness. la la la la. It is time to eat!!! la la la! JOY! I love FOOOOOOOOOOD! la la la la.
My family is away in Spokane, attending some baseball thingy where my brother is going to play for a MLB scout. Wow! I know nothing more about this thingy, but it sounds impressive, so I have decided that I should brag. Wow! Meanwhile, I am at home. Alone. Waaaaaay out here in the country where the fat, garbage-eating bears roam. Yes. We have bears. I have cleaned up icky garbage after their all night feasts, twice! Yuck.
Do you ever have this all-consuming fear that when you get in your car it is not going to start? Well, I have that. My car is on its last legs/wheels, and sometimes when I try to start it, it shudders and groans, and whrrrnss (I don't know how else to describe this noise). I am not worried about this when my family is home, as I know someone will come and rescue me. But when they are away, I am fearful that I am going to get stranded somewhere on the side of a country road where no one will find me for many days. Anyway, I am hoping that my car will limp along until the end of the summer. Actually what I really wish, is that I was close enough to work that I could walk, so I could save money, get excercise, and not hinder the environment!! I really do feel rather conscious stricken about all fuel I use. Sigh.
Here is some happiness. la la la la. It is time to eat!!! la la la! JOY! I love FOOOOOOOOOOD! la la la la.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Yesterday I was babysitting a little guy, and we walked down to the park for awhile to play. As we were about to leave, I heard a little girl crying. Assuming that her mom was close by, I didn't think about it too hard, until I realized that the poor darling had locked herself inside the bathroom. A nice English lady come over to help, and she managed to get the door open, saying "it's ok, sausage, it's ok." I think if I was locked inside an ugly, dirty public washroom, I would like to be rescued by a lady who called me "sausage." It feels me with warm comforting feelings, as most food does.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
i found another job...
at last i have found another part time to complete my incomplete work week. i have been working 2 days at dear kootenay kids doing office work, and helping my dad out with construction stuff when he needs me, and now I can work the rest of the week doing daycare! hooray! i distinctly remember telling myself at the beginning of summer that i would never do day care again if i could help it...but that was before i lost my dream job. now i am just grateful to have full time work! i have been painting all day, and now i can't move, and it is becoming increasingly more difficult to type....
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I have an acidic body!!!!!!!
There is an article here that talks about how having too much acid can affect your body, and I think it is ME!!! I have been suffering with certain symptoms, such as muscle weakness (ha ha), poor circulation, hives, and nervousness, and apparently they are all due to having an unequal PH level...I feel so great now that I have something to blame. To clarify I am not referring to the drug acid. In case there was some confusion...
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Today's accomplishments:
I discovered that I am un-brave.
I drank tea. A lot of tea.
I drank goji juice (hmmm, very nutritious :)
I discovered that when you drink a lot of liquids it makes you so full and sloshy that it is hard to eat a meal afterwards.
I picked my sick brother up from school.
I laundered.
I vacuumed.
I was nearly attacked by a savage dog with a leash still attached to its neck.
I made lasagna for supper.
I went for a walk and saw the sunset.
I became frustrated.
I contemplated my current job situation, and became discouraged.
I thought about ditching school in the fall and moving to Africa.
Tomorrow's expected accomplishments:
Express unfelt emotions in a courageous manner.
Drink tea.
Go to work.
Purchase a weapon of great destructive abilities to protect myself from aforesaid savage beasts.
Move to Africa.
I discovered that I am un-brave.
I drank tea. A lot of tea.
I drank goji juice (hmmm, very nutritious :)
I discovered that when you drink a lot of liquids it makes you so full and sloshy that it is hard to eat a meal afterwards.
I picked my sick brother up from school.
I laundered.
I vacuumed.
I was nearly attacked by a savage dog with a leash still attached to its neck.
I made lasagna for supper.
I went for a walk and saw the sunset.
I became frustrated.
I contemplated my current job situation, and became discouraged.
I thought about ditching school in the fall and moving to Africa.
Tomorrow's expected accomplishments:
Express unfelt emotions in a courageous manner.
Drink tea.
Go to work.
Purchase a weapon of great destructive abilities to protect myself from aforesaid savage beasts.
Move to Africa.
Monday, June 09, 2008
The Real Work by Wendell Berry
It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
we have come our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
You know you live in BC when...
...there is an ad in the newspaper that reads:
WANTED: Outbuilding or space in garage/basement 10'x12' or larger with electricity, not grow-op.
hee hee.
WANTED: Outbuilding or space in garage/basement 10'x12' or larger with electricity, not grow-op.
hee hee.
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