Today there is a hint of spring in the air. In the way the wind is blowing. In the way the sun is shining, in the way I look at the snow covered garden that has so much potential.

I'm writing a paper on Aboriginal policy today.

I can smell the freedom of spring from the dark alleyways of reality.

Can you believe I am graduating in a month and a half?

I like this fellow: Pat LePoidevin. "Can you see it? Can you see the music?" (Hamish, 2008).

"I think over again my small adventures
My fears,
Those small ones that seemed so big,
For all the vital things
I had to get and to reach.
And yet there is only one great thing,
The only thing
To live to see the great day that dawns
And the light that fills the world."
----Old Inuit Song

Poor Mr. Russian.

A Tale of Woes

I'm sick.
I fought in vain, and eventually succumbed to a virus of death. Blech is how I feel.

It is sunny outside, but I am not fooled by its tempting blindness. Last night I left work a couple of hours early, intending on going right to bed to rest my poor, sick body. Unfortunately my house key would not work. At all. I tried everything. I pulled the door towards me. I tried all of my keys, just in case my delirium was making it difficult to see clearly. I even made small, whimpering noises. This did nothing to help my cause. In defeat, with arms laden with library books and fingers frozen from fumbling with the doorknob, I turned around and walked to McDonalds. This is where I waited for an hour with my head plastered to the table before my roommate finished work and picked me up. She apparently has keys that are far more advanced than mine, or is merely more advanced than I at opening doors.

My beloved roommate is en route to China today. The room is empty without her in it.
You should check out her traveling thoughts HERE.

Jennie's word of the day:
Bereft-lacking something needed, wanted or expected

I could really use a lozenge.

I just had to look at my clock three times before it registered in my Occipital Lobe that it is already 9:00. I haven't even started working on my to-do list for the evening!

Today one of my clients gave me a hug. That's right. A hug. I consider this a noteworthy day.

My reading break is coming to an end, and I must say I am thankful. Too much reading and typing makes Jennie's head hurt and her bottom sore.

I offered to give my professor cookies for not taking any late marks off my paper. Here is his response: "Bribery will get you everywhere...Just Kidding." Maybe I should try money next time.

Some of Jennie's Favourite Songs of the week (so far):

10. "You Silly Git" - Dan Mangan
09. "Waiting by the Fence" - Forest City Lovers
08. "Of Winnipeg" - Eisenhauer
07. "Sleeping City" - Parlour Steps
06. "Up and Down" - The Mountains and the Trees
05. "Gimme Sympathy" - Metric
04. "Northernmost Eva Maria" - Leif Vollebekk
03. "New Goodbye" - Hey Rosetta
02. "Train of Thought" - Mother Mother
and...wait for it...my favouritest one:
01. "Buffalo" - Kathleen Edwards

Any particular songs keeping your feet a'walking and your mind a'thinking this week?

SOON!

These are not pictures of my own garden...




...but they are my inspiration.




Spring is coming.

1.) Here is a link to listen to the WHOLE Ben Sollee and Daniel Martin Moore album that is coming out tomorrow: Dear Companion. I am currently partial to "Only a Song" and "Try".

2.) I'm writing a paper today on the negative effects that technology (i.e. internet, video games, tv) can have on the family unit. 3000 words to go!

3.) I went to a Chinese New Year party yesterday. It is the year of the Tiger (MY year) hee hee. Roar. Growl?

4.) Two of my plants have officially passed away due to the liberal amounts of dish soup that I poured on them. And I still have fruit flies. Go figure. I hear wine is a tempting potion of death (for the flies) but I am fresh out.

5.) I love sunny days.

6.) I am reading "Never Cry Wolf" by Farley Mowat, and I LOVE it. What art! Truly an example of how science and art and humour can be friends. I remember watching the movie in grade 4, and my teacher was worried about showing the part when Farley jumped off the cliff naked. I liked the part when he ate rats. Did you know Farley has 6 honourary doctorates?

7.) I am going to go and drink tea now.

Happy day of love!

Enjoy some Canadian tunage.

Bedtime

A Dream of Trees by Mary Oliver
There is a thing in me that dreamed of trees,
A quiet house, some green and modest acres
A little way from every troubling town,
A little way from factories, schools, laments.
I would have time, I thought, and time to spare,
With only streams and birds for company.
To build out of my life a few wild stanzas.
And then it came to me, that so was death,
A little way away from everywhere.

There is a thing in me still dreams of trees,
But let it go. Homesick for moderation,
Half the world’s artists shrink or fall away.
If any find solution, let him tell it.
Meanwhile I bend my heart toward lamentation
Where, as the times implore our true involvement,
The blades of every crisis point the way.

I would it were not so, but so it is.
Who ever made music of a mild day?

I'm ordering seeds for my garden this spring. Zinnias, petunias, morning glory, cosmos. I ache for the warmth of spring. I feel tired and apathetic these days. Where has your hope gone, self? What happened to your happy spirit and joyous words? Why are you sad tonight, daughter of many blessings? So your life feels hard...well, whoever made music of a mild day? When I am exhausted and overwhelmed and scared I withdraw. I retreat. I seek some sort of refuge that looks very similar to Mary's quiet house with trees and peace. But to escape would be to miss out on a beauteous melody and I don't want that.

I just wish I were a toothbrush

The hump. Wednesday. The week is half over. Thank you Lord. Next week is reading break. I don't really have a break. I still have to go to practicum and work an extra shift, and write a few papers, and go to a group meeting. But I like to think that it will be a break, if only theoretically.

My roommate is leaving. Yup. Packing up and moving to China in two weeks. I'm sad she is leaving, but happy she is going to have an adventure.

I want an adventure.

I found out yesterday that I won some award at school. I get $500 to spend on "professional resources" which includes books! I get to go on Amazon and buy $500 worth of books. Crazy! I don't suppose poetry would be included as a professional resource.

Happy Monday

I got a book of poetry by Jean Vanier called "Tears of Silence." I know. It sounds horribly depressing, and I suppose that is the appeal. Human connection through suffering and emergence of hope.

The whole book is one prolonged poem...all of which I loved...but here is one particular portion of greatness:

"He who is
or has been
deeply hurt

has a RIGHT
to be sure
he is
LOVED."

I would change the "he" to include women as well. And I would add my belief that everyone experiences hurt to some measure in their life...which leads to the poem's profundity. Through its simplicity, it expresses an essential reality. The power of healing in our lives comes through relationships with one another. We look to each other for support, hope. When we feel unloved, rejected, discouraged, unworthy, and we don't have anyone to turn to, we turn to other things to fulfill our needs...A lady came the other day who disclosed her distress at her recent break up with her partner and said that she couldn't handle life by herself anymore. Yes. This makes sense. We can't handle life by ourselves. We need each other. We need God. We need hope.

"I need to talk
and walk
with another

I need to express myself
say things.....

this is a movement of life
life that is in me
and needs to flow out.....

I must speak.....and dance
sharing things that I love and hate
my hopes, my joys, my fears, my griefs....
giving myself
giving my life
giving life."

Look! Another free download! Aren't you glad you stuck around?
Josh Ritter's new album is arriving in May...This song is called "Change of Time"

"Its hard sometimes to know exactly what you feel." Eisenhauer

This dude has the most oddly calming influence on my psyche. And that is before he even sings a note. Possibly the mention of used bookstores and poetry are enough to bring feelings of comfort and beauty to my heart.

To do List:
*warm shower
*pajamas
*ginger tea
*blankets


it is still winter.

Stuck

A high wind velocity and blowing snow seems to have blocked my efforts to get back to Winnipeg after my Otterburne spent weekend, and so I am spending an unforseen snow day on the Providence campus. How exciting. I am currently in the collegium, the place where the cool commuter students hang (except no one is hanging, cause classes are canceled). Sasha made me some wicked coffee and gave me candy, and so life is good...and Jennie is hyper.

Too hyper to sit and concentrate on homework assignments of course.

There are board games and duplo in the commtuer lounge. And big comfy chairs, and pictures of retro sunsets on the walls. Why did I not spend more time here before?

If it was up to me I would most likely be a country dweller. Quiet walks in nature, with the wind tossing my body back and forth across the highway as if I were a rag doll. Ahh, peace is truly found in the middle of nowhere.

Another Post.

I seem to be remarkably technologically inclined these days.

Oh yes. I am procrastinating.

I just wanted to share my delight with this musical experience...

Look! A free download! Check out Postdata.

"We all grow old, use your life, the world goes and flutters by
Use your life, you'll know you are
Use your life, the world goes and flutters by"
Jonsi Birgisson

Today I saw light. True, pure, shining light. It engulfed me in its warmth.

Joy, relief, understanding! To feel understood is a precious gift.

I have been struggling the last few months to reconnect with my initial desire to enter the social worker field, and due to feelings of utter inadequacy, panic, and stress, I have not been in a happy place. No. Not happy. A very sad, lonely little duck.

But today. I'm not sure what. But something happened. A click. A movement. A push? A meaningful conversation with my supervisor whose words seemed to resonate so clearly with the insecurities, and frustrations that I have been feeling for so long. A word of encouragement has reminded me of my initial desire to be an agent of healing. A part of the journey in people's life. Not a mountain mover. Not a world changer. Just a link. An imperfect link. But an important link. On someone's chain of healing.

This moment of enlightenment did not come in my darkest moment like a white knight coming to rescue me. Those moments of actualized idealism are rare I am learning. But it came. And I am grateful.

Today I am...

...Slightly elated about life after eating a yummy sandwich of toasted naan bread, alfalfa sprouts, cheddar cheese, and red pepper, and drinking a hot mug of Lady Grey Tea.

...Disgruntled that my houseplants seem to be infested with some kind of fruit fly, and the dish soup I am feeding them to kill off the flies seems to be turning the leaves yellow and withered (NOTE: don't believe everything the internet tells you.)

...Confused about my swollen eyelids that seem to be the aftereffects of watching Avatar last night. No, I did not cry...oddly enough. Although the scene when Home Tree fell over was rather heart wrenching. Everything seems rather er, emotional at 1:30 in the morning after a 15 hour day of work.

...Thinking about learning some type of martial arts after hearing a conversation on the bus between two guys who professed their blunt opinion that they think it is safest to assume that all women are dumb and dim-witted until proven otherwise. Sigh.

...Listening to my lil' playlist on CBC radio 3's website...you should make your own!!!

...About to head to my Crisis Intervention class, in which we are learning how to deal with people in crisis. Obviously.

...Bouncing around my room to The Wooden Sky. "It still means a lot to meeee!"

...Thinking yet again about the uncertainty of my future. BC or Winnipeg. Hmmm. Tough decision. Apparently I gotta be there.

"we break and then we go,
and we try, we try to stay hopeful,
but it seems the more we learn the less we know..."
-Parlour Steps