thank goodness for the weekend

I am enjoying my weekend with great gusto, especially after such a tough week at work. I am not skilled at all at deciphering financial information. Blech. The auditors have moved into the building, and are delighted with my presence since I provide them with a reprieve of the most mind deadening work EVER!! I have started lighting candles in my room and, despite the risk of fire, I am enjoying the calming atmosophere it provides after a long day of mind boggling work.

It is raining tonight. I am listening to my new cd that my friend created for me. I am warm and dry. My tummy is pleasently full. Could life get any better? I am very blessed indeed.

"Earthly love...is temporal and slight so that it has to be given again and again in order for us to feel any sort of security; but God's love, God's voice and presence, would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them." Donald Miller

Is life boring? No way!! Only...

I wish I had some big accomplishment to report from my summer thus far; however, my life at present is quiet, rather pleasant, and SLIGHTLY dull. I have always maintained a motto that does not allow for me to call my life boring. I would rather see the excitement and joy that life has to offer rather than be impacted by my life's predictability. Am I losing sight of God's purpose for my life? I hope not. This feeling of mundanity is rather discouraging. I can name solutions to this problem, such as getting involved at church, going out and meeting new people, finding a hobby, and just serving people in whatever way I can. But these solutions are easier said than achieved. I was asked to take charge of the bulletin at church, and although it seems a rather intriguing option that surprisingly I have not taken part in as of yet, I am hesitant as it would be a job involving only myself, and sometimes that is not so fun...but in fact rather lonely. As for meeting new people...I am excruciatingly shy, and I often don't know where to begin looking for these people who are just waiting to be MY friend. I have been doing a little bit of art work lately, but I am so impatient, and I become easily discouraged with my blatant lack of talent. And service. This one I can generally do just wherever I am, but it is somehow not filling the gaps of my unsocial little existence.

And so, I am left not quite knowing how to break free of the dullness of my life at present. I had a similar predicament last summer, and somehow got through. Perhaps the repetition of circumstances is God's way of saying, "Jennie, you have not yet truly learned what it means to be a follower of Christ in the dull times of life." Perhaps I have not. In fact I am sure of it. Patience and endurance are spirtual disciplines that I have yet to perfect. So I suppose this must be my prayer. "God, please show me how I can follow you and serve others at THIS time in my life."

Aside from the predicatment of finding life rather dull, I am enjoying being able to spend my evenings with my nose firmly in a book that is not homework related. Ahhh. I have gone back to rereading for the hundredth time some favourite childhood books such as Anne of Green Gables, etc. I have been working part time at the daycare, and I start full time work as an office assistant on the 22nd. It has been nice to work at the daycare, although I find it rather strenuous. There is a lot more chasing kids around and shouting commands than there is actually being with, and nurturing the little blessings. I am afraid to report that there are a couple of children that do fit into the holy terror category and find it their greatest delight to torment the "teacher" who doesn't really know what is going on, and try to get away with unpardonable things, such as not wearing any sunscreen because "it gets in my hair" followed by heart wrenching sobs in the coat room (Simon, age 3). AWWW! My heart can't take it I tell you!

I am a little nervous about starting work on Tuesday, although I'm sure I will live through it. I am much more worried about my road test that is looming over my head like a persistant black cloud of self-doubt. I drove for 2 hours yesterday, and only managed to stall at an intersection once. Also, I nearly ran into a yield sign. These mishaps aside, my mom has great faith in me that I am a good driver, and will do fine on my test. Now if only I could believe that as well. Among my need to trust God in the dull moments, I have also been struggling to relinquish my fears of driving. My mind says that I could permenently embarrass myself with my poor driving skills, and even worse, harm or kill someone. Heavy thoughts like this continue to torment poor lil' me.

Well, it is late and I should go to sleep. I am tired from pouring out the depths of my soul. There's more to pour, but I should save some of it for another day, when I am feeling less cynical about life and my abilities.

Spring!

It is Thursday evening, and I am nearing the end of my busy week, with another two on the way. I feel like I am running around constantly, and I don't even have time to do anything, like clean my room, or bathe, or do laundry!! Wow, I must be really unhygenic right now.

The other day, I was listening to my friend Larisa play a song she had written, and I felt feelings of love and joy and happiness and delight and hope. I realised how little I actually feel excited and happy and HOPEFUL in my life. I went to the Play last night (for those who don't know, it was the story of Helen Keller), and what I came away with was a satisfying, rather gentle impression of hope. There is so much darkness and disquieting things everywhere, and it can become rather oppressive. All this to say, I think GOd wants me to take greater delight and joy in this place he has put me.

And it is almost spring. Alexandera spotted Geese flying NORTH (there were some who were going South, but we determined that they were merely lost or tired, and not actually re-fleeing the cold). That makes me cheerful indeed!! I must sing and dance and twirl! However, I must study for an exam before I will allow myself to party to such an extent. I will give myself the liberty, however, of thinking nice thoughts while I sit and read about adolescents. I am rather thankful that I am no longer one myself, so I suppose that is my first nice thought. May you (faithful readers!) be blessed in all you do.

BUSY, busy, busy....my life is busy, but WONDERFUL!! I had a beautiful weekend (at my sister's!!!) and I feel rejuvinated and refreshed. But am I refreshed enough to tackle the insurmountable amount of homework that is beginning to arise in the near future and is even now beginning to grip me!!!??? (big deep breath in and out. **SIGH**) I know I will get it all done, but how well, and with what sacrifices, I'm not sure.

My parents are in Mexico showing the love of God to cute, brown, little children. I wish I could be there. Sometimes while being in school I feel as though I am not really fufilling any purpose. That sounds silly cause I am learning so much. However, I would like to start GOING and DOING things, and being active in a church and community, and building lasting relationships and serving people. I am content where I am...but sometimes I wonder at where it is taking me, and what purpose it will have in my life. If only I could forsee the future, perhaps it would still this bubble of panic that rises in my chest whenever I think of summer jobs or what I am going to do after I graduate. I want to GO somewhere and SERVE, but I guess I am glad I am not, because I definitely have a lot of FEAR!!

Well, I suppose I could write something on this blog of mine, as it has been awhile. I have been really busy lately, which has been good, and yet I am hoping that this weekend will slow and relaxing.

Yesterday was RA appreciation day. The student leaders were taken out for breakfast, and then my girls took me out for supper in Steinbach to Smitty's! It was such a blessing. Sometimes I get panicky that I am not doing the greatest job as an RA, and I wish I could offer these girls something more. They are so amazing and cool. I like them so much. They are very accepting of me as their leader, even though I know many of them would do just as great a job if not better than I.

I decided to be an RA again next year, although it is very difficult to think that far ahead. I am still wondering how my summer is going to go. I don't know where I am going to work yet which is occasionally worriesome, but I'm trying not to worry so much.

I am really tired today, which is undoubtably a product of living such a busy life in the last while. I feel like I am running around all the time, going to meetings, writing papers, eating meals, going to class, going to the chiropractor. I have to be adjusted 3 times a week. My parents worried me cause they told me about a girl who was paralyzed when she had her neck adjusted. I was so scared to go the next time, but I found out that there is a 1 in 5.8 million chance that could happen which made me feel a little better. It makes me feel a little safer knowing that there is a more likely chance of being in a car accident than having my neck adjusted wrong and becoming paralysed...although I am in cars a lot...hmmmmm. I suppose I should just stop worrying and actually live my life. Yes. That is a good idea.

I thought about what to give up for Lent and I couldn't think of anything. I wanted to choose something that is very hard for me, like deserts or something, but I did that last year, and I really don't eat that many anyway. And then I considered movies and TV, but I watch it so rarely, that it really wouldn't make much difference. So what then? A girl in my dorm is giving up wearing mismatching socks. I wish I had that much creativity. hmmmm. This will take some thought.

I have been working in the library for 3 and a half hours now, and I feel somewhat accomplished even though I know I have barely scratched the surface. I like the library, but sometimes it is very difficult to work there and be content with the subject I am struggling with. I want to research things OTHER than what I am being graded on. I have been researching the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:16. I think what stuck out to me the most in the process of my research was what one scholar said (I don't remember who!). He said that learning is a never ending process. As a Christian I should never cease to strive to learn new things. That is both an exciting and tiring thought.

Other than homework my life is very good. I am eating well, exercising often, and spending some time with God. I have been reading Brennan Manning's book, Abba's Child, and I am very excited, relieved, and nourished by what he says. Dorm life is good. I don't know what to do for care group. I am running out of ideas...Any thoughts???

Well, it is soon to be supper time, and I am so hungry. I'm afraid that rice crackers just aren't doing it for me. Until next time...

An update of sorts

Well, apparently it is no longer Christmas, so it is therefore time to write something on my blog. Life is good. The End.

Christmas Pictures

Here are a couple of pictures of my Christmas holiday thus far. I went skating on our neighbour's cute outdoor skating rink last night. It was great fun until the end when I fell over and got a big bruise on my knee.

Oh Christmas hoildays

I have one more exam and then I am finished school for the semester!!! YIPEE! I am almost to the point of being able to relax and allow my mind to unravel from its tightly bound state. There is still a lot to think about and do before I can go home for the holidays, but the amount is diminishing all the time.

I have been looking forward to Christmas break with more vehemence then usual. Perhaps it is because this semester has been rather stressful, particularly due to the vast amount of schoolwork that I have had. Oh the holidays!!

I have been thinking about the things I would like to accomplish during these glorious 3 weeks off that await me. I would like to: play in the snow
read
go skating
eat good food
have lots of baths (with bubbles!!)
watch cheesy movies with my mom
sleep
drink vast amounts of rooibos and black current tea
this list could go on for awhile......

Christmas is a wonderful time of year, and I love it oh so much!

The last 3 of my classes have been about violence. Needless to say, I have been thinking a lot about violence. Why are people violent? How could anyone hurt another human being like that? I think I have been extremely blessed because I have never experienced any physical violence towards me. But I don't want to be ignorant of what is going on around me. There is a lot of violence occuring against women (not to understate the violence that is happening against men!), and I wish there was something I can do. It hurts my heart to see pictures like this.

I discovered that:

*"One in three women in the world has been beaten, raped, coerced into sex or has been physically abused."

*"130 million young girls have undergone Female Genital Mutilation, mostly in Africa. Another 2 million are at risk every year."(www.thp.org/women/nov25.htm)

I can't even comprehend what it must be like to be violated in such brutal ways. I think it would be very difficult to forgive those committing the violence. And yet, I think that I am violent towards people in other ways. I judge people in my heart. I hurt people with untactful words. I wish I could do something.

"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love." Lamentations 3:32

Tea Time

Well, it is the third of November today, which means that this semester is more than half finished. Wow!! I am hoping to get all my classes registered today. I think I have decided that I am NOT going to take 7 classes, because I would like to survive the year mentally healthy. I am reading a very good book right now called, "The Search for Intimacy." Such a wonderful book!! I am on my way to finish a book, and write a paper! Oh, Lord sustain me through this paper-writing desert. I am feeling very unmotivated and just in need of a rest. Why does it seem as though everyone else has time to do everything but homework, whereas I feel as though I will never be finished?? I'm sure in reality there are many people who are even more overloaded with work than I will ever be, and in a way it is relieving to remember that I am not so bad off! All I want to do tonight, is to sit wrapped up in a quilt on my bed with a good book and a hot cup of tea, and music playing in the background. Ahhhhhhh...My ideal evening that doesn't ever seem to be happening these days. It is hard to find joy in these long paper writing evenings!

Well, it has been awhile since I have written on this thing, so I suppose I must appease my throng of fascinated readers (ha, ha!), and say something. My life is busy, but good. Homework is being neglected, as I am torn between too many things, such as Missions Encounter stuff, RA stuff, God stuff, and people stuff (not neccessarily in that order). This evening (in approximately 10 minutes) I am attending a workshop on how to maintain one's car. I was not originally going to go, but I think I realised that the reason I wasn't going was that I was scared to. So anyway, this is me facing my fears, and learning about something new, and about which I really have zero prior knowledge. Well, my future in mechanics awaits, so I must go!

Happy Autumn!!!

Well, it is Friday again! I have plans to write 2 papers today, although I'm not sure whether I will be successful or not. I have procrastinated yet again, and now have gotten very behind. I am going shopping tomorrow in Winnipeg and I am hoping to buy some "comfort" food for care group on monday. We are having our first night of testimony sharing! I hope that it goes well. I really want people to be as real as possible, so we can become closer, and lean on each other. I shared my testimony 2 weeks ago, and I wanted to be as open as possible. I tried, but I feel as though I left stuff out. I am so blessed. I have the most wonderful dorm ever! They are all so sweet and kind and talented. I am looking forward to getting to know them better. I should start writing my paper, and stop procrastinating!!!

I'm Here!

Well, I am here at Prov, and everything is going very well. Training week has been really busy so far, but very eye-opening and good. I am hoping to connect more with people (which means forcing myself to speak more), so that is something that I am working on. I just finished emailing all the girls in my dorm, and I am just so excited to finally meet them. God, bless them as they may be scared and unsure of what is coming. My room needs some serious stuff happening. Those pillows you gave me Linds are soooo wonderful, but it feels so much more empty when there is only one person living is such a large space. Gotta work on that. Well, off to supper!

Jesus, tell me to come to you on the water

I am leaving in a few hours for Winnipeg, and I am experiencing a myriad of emotions, such as excitement, nervousness, giddiness, and unbelief. I am glad the summer is coming to a close, and yet it came so soon, and I wasn't prepared. I guess the only thing for me to do is to keep moving forward with my eyes on Jesus. I am excited for this year, but apprehension is holding me back from being truly exhilirated. Apprehension, fear, doubt, uncertainty of where God is leading me to. Where am I? Where are you taking me? I'm scared. I have ideas of what I would like to do with my life, but they seem futile and selfish. I want to love people and serve them. I have this dream of working in an orphange in Africa or South America, meeting the man of my dreams, getting married, having babies, and raising them to be amazing people who want to serve God. Beyond that I have no clue what it is that I want to do. I am scared to trust God with my life in case he takes me somewhere that I do not want to be!!

Relax, God's in charge

Here are pictures of the most beautiful children in the world. I am so blessed to have been a part of their lives!







"Relax, God's in charge." I have a card someone gave me with those words on it sitting on my desk. How wonderful that I can relax, knowing that someone bigger and wiser is in charge of my life. Every once in awhile I panic and start worrying about things. Today was one of those days. I worked nearly 12 hours today straight (with a 15 min. break). It was such a yucky day, and I was so tired, and nearing tears that I forgot that I do NOT have to go through this life on my own.

"You were wearied by all your ways,
but you would not say, 'it is hopeless.'
You found renewal of your strength,
and so you did not faint."
Isaiah 57:10

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday,
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail."
Isaiah 58:11

Things to Work on

Some things I have been thinking and praying about lately...

"Your loving concern for others will increase your authority and influence their lives." David L. Hocking "Be a Leader People Follow"

-I want to have a genuine loving concern for people. Sometimes I catch myself being nice to people for the sole purpose of getting them to like me. But it isn't about me! Which leads me to my second thought........

"We are to bear one another's burdens and thus fulfill Christ's law. He bore all our griefs, infirmities, and sorrows. But we are also told to bear our own burdens. This must mean to shoulder them bravely, to think twice before laying them onto the shoulders of others who may be more heavily laden than we are...Above all it means learning Calvary love - forgetfulness of self in order to be strong to serve." Elizabeth Elliot "Passion and Purity"

-I need to stop focusing on my own needs and advantages when I serve others, and focus on others and the cross instead. Then I will be strong.

"When we do not have security in our relationship with God, we will be restlessly running from activity to activity, subconsciously hoping that our activity will fill the void in our lives. We are afraid to stop and be silent before God lest it cause us to face up honestly to what is happening in our lives." Ajith Fernando "Jesus Driven Ministry"

-I do this all the time. I don't want to see where I am going wrong, so I avoid it altogether.

Worth it All

Worth it All
Rita Springer

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

The Shire

I am sleepy tonight...I just finished playing the Lord of the Rings video game with my brother for almost 2 hours. I kept dying, but it was fun. I think sometimes the simple things in life are best. It is time to start thinking about going back to school. Oh how time flies. There were several things that I wanted to accomplish this summer, and I got about half way through my list. Some of the things on my list were:
Read some good books
Eat healthy food
Drink water
Exercise
Think of some exciting care groups
Share God's love with someone
Pray continuously

As with most goals that I make, I started out strong, and then things kinda fizzled. I'm doing pretty good with the healthy eating and water, but I definitely have my weak moments. The exercise is pretty sporadic. And I hope that I have shared God's love with others. I have a ways to go before I am praying continuously, but I am trying! The reading is not a problem, thank goodness.

Only 2 more weeks of work to go! I will miss this job, as I really have come to enjoy it. There has been a nice balance of challenging work, as well as the mindless jobs such as watering the flowers! I have appreciated the people most of all. Thank you Lord for your blessings.