I wish I had some big accomplishment to report from my summer thus far; however, my life at present is quiet, rather pleasant, and SLIGHTLY dull. I have always maintained a motto that does not allow for me to call my life boring. I would rather see the excitement and joy that life has to offer rather than be impacted by my life's predictability. Am I losing sight of God's purpose for my life? I hope not. This feeling of mundanity is rather discouraging. I can name solutions to this problem, such as getting involved at church, going out and meeting new people, finding a hobby, and just serving people in whatever way I can. But these solutions are easier said than achieved. I was asked to take charge of the bulletin at church, and although it seems a rather intriguing option that surprisingly I have not taken part in as of yet, I am hesitant as it would be a job involving only myself, and sometimes that is not so fun...but in fact rather lonely. As for meeting new people...I am excruciatingly shy, and I often don't know where to begin looking for these people who are just waiting to be MY friend. I have been doing a little bit of art work lately, but I am so impatient, and I become easily discouraged with my blatant lack of talent. And service. This one I can generally do just wherever I am, but it is somehow not filling the gaps of my unsocial little existence.
And so, I am left not quite knowing how to break free of the dullness of my life at present. I had a similar predicament last summer, and somehow got through. Perhaps the repetition of circumstances is God's way of saying, "Jennie, you have not yet truly learned what it means to be a follower of Christ in the dull times of life." Perhaps I have not. In fact I am sure of it. Patience and endurance are spirtual disciplines that I have yet to perfect. So I suppose this must be my prayer. "God, please show me how I can follow you and serve others at THIS time in my life."
Aside from the predicatment of finding life rather dull, I am enjoying being able to spend my evenings with my nose firmly in a book that is not homework related. Ahhh. I have gone back to rereading for the hundredth time some favourite childhood books such as Anne of Green Gables, etc. I have been working part time at the daycare, and I start full time work as an office assistant on the 22nd. It has been nice to work at the daycare, although I find it rather strenuous. There is a lot more chasing kids around and shouting commands than there is actually being with, and nurturing the little blessings. I am afraid to report that there are a couple of children that do fit into the holy terror category and find it their greatest delight to torment the "teacher" who doesn't really know what is going on, and try to get away with unpardonable things, such as not wearing any sunscreen because "it gets in my hair" followed by heart wrenching sobs in the coat room (Simon, age 3). AWWW! My heart can't take it I tell you!
I am a little nervous about starting work on Tuesday, although I'm sure I will live through it. I am much more worried about my road test that is looming over my head like a persistant black cloud of self-doubt. I drove for 2 hours yesterday, and only managed to stall at an intersection once. Also, I nearly ran into a yield sign. These mishaps aside, my mom has great faith in me that I am a good driver, and will do fine on my test. Now if only I could believe that as well. Among my need to trust God in the dull moments, I have also been struggling to relinquish my fears of driving. My mind says that I could permenently embarrass myself with my poor driving skills, and even worse, harm or kill someone. Heavy thoughts like this continue to torment poor lil' me.
Well, it is late and I should go to sleep. I am tired from pouring out the depths of my soul. There's more to pour, but I should save some of it for another day, when I am feeling less cynical about life and my abilities.
