Monday, December 27, 2010

Merry Christmas!

I realize that Christmas day is past, and we have now moved into "Boxing Week", a celebration of collective consumerism; however, I would like to share holiday greetings with my cyber friends. I hope that you were able to experience a little warmth and cheer this Christmas season.

I am heartily enjoying my holiday with my family in Kamloops...curling up by the faux fireplace, going for walks in +9 weather, drinking my dad's lattes...

In preparation for the new year, I have a couple of confessions I need to express:

1. My dad and I went to the Apple store on Christmas Eve and now I am dreaming at night about the macbook air...Such a slender frame with a lovely glossy screen. And the weight! A mere 2.7 pounds! I need the macbook to help me round out my image as an artsy, indie nerd. I got the dark framed glasses and the awkward, quiet I'm almost there!

2. I created a profile on EHarmony. What began as a silly joke has turned into a passionate pursuit for my one true love. Seriously.

3. My parents usually go to bed at approximately 8pm, hence I am left alone in the evenings with my book, the remote control, and a box of chocolates. Last night I watched Sarah Palin's Alaskan Adventures on TV whilst eating coconut ferrero rochers. Anyway, it's a pretty great show. Action, family dynamics, and kids with really strange names.

4. The week before I flew home I went to the gym 4 times. This phenomenon is mostly due to the encouragement of my friend Angie who used to be a personal trainer. She says nice things to me, like "Go Jennie! Pump that iron". However, I'm pretty sure I reversed any muscular progress in a mere 24 hours.

In all seriousness, I wish you a mug of relaxation, with a dollop of adventure and a sprinkling of new perspective.

Above all, may you experience the awareness that you are loved this holiday season.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Friday, December 10, 2010

A glimpse into my head

Scary title I know...

I was reading over my journal this morning, and came across an entry that I wrote almost exactly a year ago...Reading it renewed my thankfulness for the passage of time, change, and particularly the fact that I am no longer in school.

Prepare is honest and slightly depressing:

An Excerpt from Jennie's Journal
Listening to: The Acorn
Mood: Exhausted, pensive, troubled, sad…too many words needed to describe my emotions tonight.

I am exhausted and don’t really understand why I am awake. Just need time to sit and think and regain my sense of self. Feeling pretty out of sorts lately. Like nothing is going right. Had some hard stuff happen this week. Maybe I will feel more motivated to share about them on a different day.

A busy week. I wrote two papers, prepared for a presentation, went to class, went to work, went to practicum, missed my bus, spilled chai tea all over myself and the floor...

Tonight I watched Anne of Green Gables with Bethany and laughed at how things just seemed to happen to her (just like me) and she could see a lot of the negativity, when in the end things worked out really well.

I hope things start turning out well for me.

I hope I can find 2200 dollars by Monday.

I am scared to hope.

Thank you for music and friends and family.

Sigh. I can’t help but cling to the fact that things are going to get better. They are right? Please? Gasp. I am so tired. I hate writing papers. I hate going to practicum and feeling as though I am completely inadequate.

Reading some Henri Nouwen.

In case you cared.

Learning about the power of fear, and realizing that the thing I fear most is rejection. Ouch. It hurts, it stings, it stays with me for a very long time. Just when I think I have gotten better, stronger, I find out that I am still a teenager in my obsessive self-disregard. I care too much about what people think. And it hurts.

It hurts.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

I forgot to order the decaf

I went to Starbucks with my friend Janna tonight and I totally thought that I had ordered the decaf Gingerbread Latte. It is clear now that I didn't.

I love coffee.

I also love sleeping.


On the positive side, I don't have to work tomorrow.

I'm listening to ol' Corey tonight, sitting in front of my heater, and applying Burt's Bees lip chap every so often. This is indeed the good life.