I am in the middle of a dark, tumultuous mist of paper-writing...and yet I cannot help but express my joy at the sunshine coming through my window, and the bag of chocolate chips at my side, and the good music playing through my headphones, and the comforting awareness of roommates in the house. The only thing that would make this moment a little brighter is a hot cup of tea, or warmed up coffee (don't worry it is decaf...or maybe that will make you worry because of the chemicals used to get rid of the caffeine that I would be consuming. At least I won't be running around Wolesly due to excess energy, cause that would be silly. You have to have a dog to run around Wolsely. Everyone has a dog here. Except for the poor college students). Wow. That was a long parentheses.

Ok, my momentary interlude is over.

Peace to you.

I love reading my sister's blog. I feel as though I have been transported into this lovely gap of cyper relating that is initially fulfilling, until I realize how very much I miss my wonderful family.

Reading Break...

...is not actually a break.

I am slightly overwhelmed with the amount of assignments that have to be completed this week.

As I am writing this post, I am sitting in the kitchen drinking rooibos and eating a supper made of vegetables with the anticipation of scarfing down a chocolate chip cookie when I am done. I live a paradoxical life.

I am desperate for nature. I like this city and being able to walk to the grocery store and little coffee shops, but I am lonesome for beautiful trees and water and birds and summer warmth. It is hard to escape worries when there is no where to go that doesn't remind me of them. I don't know where to rest in the grace of the world.

The peace of wild things by Wendell Berry
When despair grows in me
and I wake in the middle of the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting for their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Gravity Rides Everything

I have been experiencing varying levels of discouragement this week through different arising circumstances...my emotions have consisted of anger, shame, utter humiliation, fear, and are currently hovering around something resembling a forced apathy. I wish I could be more open, and share my stories with the blogdom realm, but I realize that my words represent more than just myself.

The rather blatant and harsh lyrics of Modest Mouse seem to describe to me the wholistic human condition. We may experience hardships. But at least we ALL experience hardships. Gravity catches up with all of us in the end. None are exempt.

"In the motions and the things that you say
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall right into place
When we die, some sink and some lay
But at least I don't see you float away
And all the spilt milk, sex and weight
It all will fall, fall right into place"

I realize that this song is not exactly hopeful, but I guess I find comfort in the fact that common experiences build relationships which build community, which builds hope...and so I end this post upon that optimistic note.

"Everything will fall right into place."

longing

Speak to Me Gently
by Future of Forestry

Sadness and rhyme
These are the times
These are the memories
We find a way
Pushing through the day

So speak to me gently
Can you just feel the time
Falling from some place new?
Can you just feel the sign?
Love waits for you
Love waits for you

I'm searching the stars
In desperate hours
Bound to find meaning
God shows a face
In this desolate place
And tenderness meets me

Stories untold
Of redwoods grown old
Reside in the forest
And there you can hear
A whispering tear
That speaks into our loneliness

Can it be?

I am home alone today. Everyone is at work.
This is pretty much the rarest thing ever when you live with 6 other people. I am planning to wash my floor, and do some laundry, and cook something, and maybe I will do some homework. Maybe. The weather is very beautiful and cloudy, and gray and WARM! I may go for a walk also.

Yesterday while working in the library, this lady come in with a visor hat that read: "God, one day I will be rich." This individual was searching for a celibate priest who lived in a church...because she had one in Ireland. I informed her that the Salvation Army officers were generally not celibate and usually didn't live in churches, but she said she just needed help looking for one on the computer. And so, 45 minutes later, after a long, detailed conversation regarding her mission in life (to advocate for her recently deceased friend) we stumbled on google upon a church nearby that was open for drop-in on Friday afternoons. I cheerfully printed out the address, and stamped and dated the sheet (so I could be remembered for my kindness for the rest of her life) and the lady went on her way, to seek justice and wealth, and turn to her last hope, God.

And then I went back to shelving.

Guess...

I thought I would try to do something different and describe myself in pictures as opposed to words. Can you guess what I am doing???

And it is not sleeping.