Golf:The Greatest Game Ever Played...NOT!

I went golfing with the junior high last night, and I turned out to be pretty much the stinkiest player! I know, I know, big surprise! I had no idea what an "iron" was or what its purpose is in hitting the ball. I was in a group with 3 sweet girls, who were very patient with my lack of skills. I got laughed at because I wore flip flops, and apparently that is not proper golf foot-wear. I really enjoyed spending time with those girls, and it forced me to remember what life was like at that age. I want to be someone who they will feel free to talk to. There are so many social pressures for young teen girls to be and look a certain way. How frustrating.

I am going to Ainsworth Hot Springs tomorrow night. I like going there, but I have been so busy this week, I would really prefer to be mellow at home. Work was a little crazy today. It was staff meeting day today, which is always very exciting. It happens every 2 weeks, and everyone who works for the society comes and hashes out the problems with child care, and non-functional families. I, unfortunately, do not get to attend these wonderful gatherings as I am much to busy answering phones and getting angry at the photocopyer (the silly thing had me down on my knees today, which was a little uncomfortable as I was wearing a skirt). Work is going well, and I really enjoy the people who work there. There is such diversity that, I'm sure, would only be so evident in Nelson.

I feel as though the summer (thus far) has been a somewhat restful time for me. I think at am at a place in my faith where I'm not on the mountain, or in the valley. I just AM. I thought that maybe because of this, that I wasn't growing or maturing spiritually, but a friend pointed out that God is still teaching me, just in a different way than I am used to. I need to continue trusting God, and pursuing him whole heartedly. Perhaps this is the time when it is most diffcult, when things are just normal, as one may feel that they are doing pretty good on their own, and forget to turn to the Lord for wisdom.

I Love...

I love:
rooibos tea
good conversation
books
dark chocolate
music
sunshine
sharing a joke with my brother
candles
socks
avocado
black currant tea
listening to someone play the piano
my Bible
ice cream
a child's laughter
hugs
watching my sister dance
tulips
kind words
community
learning
my Jesus
chai tea
fresh raspberries with cream
happy memories
second hand stores
sharing
encouragement
talking to my mom
gingerbread
family
granola
African people
my dad's hugs when he scratches me with his cheek
friendship
homemade veggie burgers

"The knowledge that God has loved me beyond limits will compel me to go into the world to love others in the same way. Neither natural love nor God's divine love will remain and grow in me unless it is nurtured." Oswald Chambers

These Ordinary Days

These Ordinary Days
Jars of Clay

Not much for conversation, I still find need to pray.
Sometimes I get tired of walking through these ordinary days.
If nothing else I get to see you even if we never speak.
The harm of words is sometimes we don'tquite know what they really mean.

I don't know where, I don't know how.
I don't know why, but your love can make these things better.

Let me lay down in this field and stare up at the sky.
I hope the days and clouds turn into something as they pass us by.
And maybe you could settle for a skyline faded blue.
I hope that you might settle for this love I have for you.

I don't know where, I don't know how.
I don't know why, but your love can make these things better.
I don't know where, I don't know how.
I don't know why, but your love can make these things better.
I don't know where, I don't know how.
I don't know why, but your love can make these things better.
Your love can make these things better.
Your love can make these things better. Your love can make these things better.

A Heart that bleeds

I have been thinking about the the things that God has for me to do in my life. Sometimes I forget to truly seek God's will in my life, and just get so caught up in living. I really want God to teach me and use me this summer, so I will be more prepared for being in a leadership position. Ahh! Sometimes I can't believe that I am going to be an RA. I feel like I have so much to learn before I can even begin to help others with their life. I am in need of the wisdom that can only come from the Lord! I love what Alan Redpath said,

"We are prepared to serve the Lord only by sacrifice. We are fit for the work of God only when we have wept over it, prayed about it, and then we are enabled by Him to tackle the job that needs to be done. May God give to us hearts that bleed, eyes that are wide open to see, minds that are clear to interpret God's purposes, wills that are obedient, and a determination that is utterly unflinching as we set about the tasks He would have us do."

I want my heart to bleed for people. I want to be completely committed to serving others with all that I am. I don't want to second guess myself by thinking that I have nothing to offer. There is nothing I want more than to wholeheartedly serve God, and people. Sometimes I feel so passionate for somebody, and then the feeling disappears, and I forget that I wanted to pray for them, or help them in some way. I want to be more focused on preparing for the tasks that the Lord has set out for me.

Pictures

Here are a few pictures that I thought I should post. There is one of my brother William, and I showing our undying love for each other (Actually it is a little one sided, but I think he will come around!);
There is a picture of myself, Miny and Larisa on my last day of Prov; and last but not least, my kitty, Simon Miller. He really liked the camera.

William's Words of Wisdom

these are my very wisdomy words for everydude out there: I AM COOL. and that is all. see thou later. I maybe write on the morrow. and that picture of that guy is cool because he has this paintball gun and it is so cool that i want it. William

God's Love

I have been pondering the meaning of God's love in my life lately, and have come to recognise that I have great difficulty accepting it. Why?

A.W.Tozer said, "Let any man turn to God in earnest, let him begin to exercise himself unto godliness, let him seek to develop his powers of spiritual receptivity by trust and obediance and humility, and the results will exceed anything he may have hoped in his leaner and weaker days."

I think I struggle with showing people God's love. Perhaps it is because I haven't fully accepted it for myself. I know in my head that God loves me. I read it in the Bible, I hear it in church, I feel in shown in the lives of people around me. But think I have yet to believe, and fully understand the depth of God's love for me. In Ephesians it says to "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."(Ephesians 5:1-2).

As a child of God, I am called to live a life of love. It sounds so simple. I don't understand exactly why I struggle with the fact that God loved me so much that he gave his life, that I may live. I place so much value on the gifts and talents that God has given to other people, and I can't see them, or appreciate them in my own life. Perhaps it is because I see all the ugly stuff in my own life that I can't see in other people's lives. Why should God love me? I have rejected him, disowned him, devalued him, underappreciated him, misunderstood him, and ignored him. Tozer also said, "Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been awakened by the touch of God within them." I want to truly accept the fact that God loves me. I feel his touch on my life, and I feel myself thirsting after Him, even though I don't always recognize it as God speaking to me. I have tried to fill these longings with other things, and it merely dull's them momentarily. It think it becomes harder to respond to God when one has pushed him aside as frquently as I have. I feel broken and empty. What better time than now to accept God's love unending love for me.

Doing Nothing

I got home half an hour ago from what seemed like an endless day of work. I did childminding this evening for a few hours. The good news? I earned some money! I went to a second hand store today on my lunch hour and purchased a skirt and 3 interesting shirts. I am trying to expand my taste in clothes (I think it is working Linds...I'm sure you would have liked what I bought!) Other exciting news...my laptop arrived, and I will hopefully get to pick it up by Saturday. Only one more day and then it is the weekend! What a nice thing weekends are. Ho hum, its off to bed!

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."
by A.A. Milne in Winnie the Pooh