It is the eve of my 21st birthday. Wow. I am feeling old tonight. It rained briefly tonight, the first time in many weeks. My window is open and I can smell the earth. My family is leaving for Oliver early tomorrow morning. I am sad that they are going again. I don't like living in this big empty house alone. I am trying to think of some exciting things that I can do to cheer my self up for the next week.
1. watch a movie
2. eat outside
3. drink juice
5. buy a raspberry bliss bar from the Kootenay Bakery
6. eat chocolate
7. go to the beach
8. read a book...or 10
9. write letters (the paper kind)
10. pray
11. go shopping for clothes and toothpaste and glasses
I am getting excited just thinking about all these lovely things that I can do...I'm afraid it isn't making me feel much better though. I wish I didn't have to work, and I could go camping with my parents. Oh camping. I love camping. I love being outside in the summer. I love playing frisbee and soccer and baseball. I love being with people. I wish there were more people for me to spend time with this summer. I wish I didn't feel so lonely. I wish I could trust God better with my life, rather than wishing for things that may not happen.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
thank goodness for the weekend
I am enjoying my weekend with great gusto, especially after such a tough week at work. I am not skilled at all at deciphering financial information. Blech. The auditors have moved into the building, and are delighted with my presence since I provide them with a reprieve of the most mind deadening work EVER!! I have started lighting candles in my room and, despite the risk of fire, I am enjoying the calming atmosophere it provides after a long day of mind boggling work.
It is raining tonight. I am listening to my new cd that my friend created for me. I am warm and dry. My tummy is pleasently full. Could life get any better? I am very blessed indeed.
It is raining tonight. I am listening to my new cd that my friend created for me. I am warm and dry. My tummy is pleasently full. Could life get any better? I am very blessed indeed.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
"Earthly love...is temporal and slight so that it has to be given again and again in order for us to feel any sort of security; but God's love, God's voice and presence, would instill our souls with such affirmation we would need nothing more and would cause us to love other people so much we would be willing to die for them." Donald Miller
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Is life boring? No way!! Only...
I wish I had some big accomplishment to report from my summer thus far; however, my life at present is quiet, rather pleasant, and SLIGHTLY dull. I have always maintained a motto that does not allow for me to call my life boring. I would rather see the excitement and joy that life has to offer rather than be impacted by my life's predictability. Am I losing sight of God's purpose for my life? I hope not. This feeling of mundanity is rather discouraging. I can name solutions to this problem, such as getting involved at church, going out and meeting new people, finding a hobby, and just serving people in whatever way I can. But these solutions are easier said than achieved. I was asked to take charge of the bulletin at church, and although it seems a rather intriguing option that surprisingly I have not taken part in as of yet, I am hesitant as it would be a job involving only myself, and sometimes that is not so fun...but in fact rather lonely. As for meeting new people...I am excruciatingly shy, and I often don't know where to begin looking for these people who are just waiting to be MY friend. I have been doing a little bit of art work lately, but I am so impatient, and I become easily discouraged with my blatant lack of talent. And service. This one I can generally do just wherever I am, but it is somehow not filling the gaps of my unsocial little existence.
And so, I am left not quite knowing how to break free of the dullness of my life at present. I had a similar predicament last summer, and somehow got through. Perhaps the repetition of circumstances is God's way of saying, "Jennie, you have not yet truly learned what it means to be a follower of Christ in the dull times of life." Perhaps I have not. In fact I am sure of it. Patience and endurance are spirtual disciplines that I have yet to perfect. So I suppose this must be my prayer. "God, please show me how I can follow you and serve others at THIS time in my life."
Aside from the predicatment of finding life rather dull, I am enjoying being able to spend my evenings with my nose firmly in a book that is not homework related. Ahhh. I have gone back to rereading for the hundredth time some favourite childhood books such as Anne of Green Gables, etc. I have been working part time at the daycare, and I start full time work as an office assistant on the 22nd. It has been nice to work at the daycare, although I find it rather strenuous. There is a lot more chasing kids around and shouting commands than there is actually being with, and nurturing the little blessings. I am afraid to report that there are a couple of children that do fit into the holy terror category and find it their greatest delight to torment the "teacher" who doesn't really know what is going on, and try to get away with unpardonable things, such as not wearing any sunscreen because "it gets in my hair" followed by heart wrenching sobs in the coat room (Simon, age 3). AWWW! My heart can't take it I tell you!
I am a little nervous about starting work on Tuesday, although I'm sure I will live through it. I am much more worried about my road test that is looming over my head like a persistant black cloud of self-doubt. I drove for 2 hours yesterday, and only managed to stall at an intersection once. Also, I nearly ran into a yield sign. These mishaps aside, my mom has great faith in me that I am a good driver, and will do fine on my test. Now if only I could believe that as well. Among my need to trust God in the dull moments, I have also been struggling to relinquish my fears of driving. My mind says that I could permenently embarrass myself with my poor driving skills, and even worse, harm or kill someone. Heavy thoughts like this continue to torment poor lil' me.
Well, it is late and I should go to sleep. I am tired from pouring out the depths of my soul. There's more to pour, but I should save some of it for another day, when I am feeling less cynical about life and my abilities.
And so, I am left not quite knowing how to break free of the dullness of my life at present. I had a similar predicament last summer, and somehow got through. Perhaps the repetition of circumstances is God's way of saying, "Jennie, you have not yet truly learned what it means to be a follower of Christ in the dull times of life." Perhaps I have not. In fact I am sure of it. Patience and endurance are spirtual disciplines that I have yet to perfect. So I suppose this must be my prayer. "God, please show me how I can follow you and serve others at THIS time in my life."
Aside from the predicatment of finding life rather dull, I am enjoying being able to spend my evenings with my nose firmly in a book that is not homework related. Ahhh. I have gone back to rereading for the hundredth time some favourite childhood books such as Anne of Green Gables, etc. I have been working part time at the daycare, and I start full time work as an office assistant on the 22nd. It has been nice to work at the daycare, although I find it rather strenuous. There is a lot more chasing kids around and shouting commands than there is actually being with, and nurturing the little blessings. I am afraid to report that there are a couple of children that do fit into the holy terror category and find it their greatest delight to torment the "teacher" who doesn't really know what is going on, and try to get away with unpardonable things, such as not wearing any sunscreen because "it gets in my hair" followed by heart wrenching sobs in the coat room (Simon, age 3). AWWW! My heart can't take it I tell you!
I am a little nervous about starting work on Tuesday, although I'm sure I will live through it. I am much more worried about my road test that is looming over my head like a persistant black cloud of self-doubt. I drove for 2 hours yesterday, and only managed to stall at an intersection once. Also, I nearly ran into a yield sign. These mishaps aside, my mom has great faith in me that I am a good driver, and will do fine on my test. Now if only I could believe that as well. Among my need to trust God in the dull moments, I have also been struggling to relinquish my fears of driving. My mind says that I could permenently embarrass myself with my poor driving skills, and even worse, harm or kill someone. Heavy thoughts like this continue to torment poor lil' me.
Well, it is late and I should go to sleep. I am tired from pouring out the depths of my soul. There's more to pour, but I should save some of it for another day, when I am feeling less cynical about life and my abilities.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Spring!
It is Thursday evening, and I am nearing the end of my busy week, with another two on the way. I feel like I am running around constantly, and I don't even have time to do anything, like clean my room, or bathe, or do laundry!! Wow, I must be really unhygenic right now.
The other day, I was listening to my friend Larisa play a song she had written, and I felt feelings of love and joy and happiness and delight and hope. I realised how little I actually feel excited and happy and HOPEFUL in my life. I went to the Play last night (for those who don't know, it was the story of Helen Keller), and what I came away with was a satisfying, rather gentle impression of hope. There is so much darkness and disquieting things everywhere, and it can become rather oppressive. All this to say, I think GOd wants me to take greater delight and joy in this place he has put me.
And it is almost spring. Alexandera spotted Geese flying NORTH (there were some who were going South, but we determined that they were merely lost or tired, and not actually re-fleeing the cold). That makes me cheerful indeed!! I must sing and dance and twirl! However, I must study for an exam before I will allow myself to party to such an extent. I will give myself the liberty, however, of thinking nice thoughts while I sit and read about adolescents. I am rather thankful that I am no longer one myself, so I suppose that is my first nice thought. May you (faithful readers!) be blessed in all you do.
The other day, I was listening to my friend Larisa play a song she had written, and I felt feelings of love and joy and happiness and delight and hope. I realised how little I actually feel excited and happy and HOPEFUL in my life. I went to the Play last night (for those who don't know, it was the story of Helen Keller), and what I came away with was a satisfying, rather gentle impression of hope. There is so much darkness and disquieting things everywhere, and it can become rather oppressive. All this to say, I think GOd wants me to take greater delight and joy in this place he has put me.
And it is almost spring. Alexandera spotted Geese flying NORTH (there were some who were going South, but we determined that they were merely lost or tired, and not actually re-fleeing the cold). That makes me cheerful indeed!! I must sing and dance and twirl! However, I must study for an exam before I will allow myself to party to such an extent. I will give myself the liberty, however, of thinking nice thoughts while I sit and read about adolescents. I am rather thankful that I am no longer one myself, so I suppose that is my first nice thought. May you (faithful readers!) be blessed in all you do.
Monday, March 19, 2007
BUSY, busy, busy....my life is busy, but WONDERFUL!! I had a beautiful weekend (at my sister's!!!) and I feel rejuvinated and refreshed. But am I refreshed enough to tackle the insurmountable amount of homework that is beginning to arise in the near future and is even now beginning to grip me!!!??? (big deep breath in and out. **SIGH**) I know I will get it all done, but how well, and with what sacrifices, I'm not sure.
My parents are in Mexico showing the love of God to cute, brown, little children. I wish I could be there. Sometimes while being in school I feel as though I am not really fufilling any purpose. That sounds silly cause I am learning so much. However, I would like to start GOING and DOING things, and being active in a church and community, and building lasting relationships and serving people. I am content where I am...but sometimes I wonder at where it is taking me, and what purpose it will have in my life. If only I could forsee the future, perhaps it would still this bubble of panic that rises in my chest whenever I think of summer jobs or what I am going to do after I graduate. I want to GO somewhere and SERVE, but I guess I am glad I am not, because I definitely have a lot of FEAR!!
My parents are in Mexico showing the love of God to cute, brown, little children. I wish I could be there. Sometimes while being in school I feel as though I am not really fufilling any purpose. That sounds silly cause I am learning so much. However, I would like to start GOING and DOING things, and being active in a church and community, and building lasting relationships and serving people. I am content where I am...but sometimes I wonder at where it is taking me, and what purpose it will have in my life. If only I could forsee the future, perhaps it would still this bubble of panic that rises in my chest whenever I think of summer jobs or what I am going to do after I graduate. I want to GO somewhere and SERVE, but I guess I am glad I am not, because I definitely have a lot of FEAR!!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Well, I suppose I could write something on this blog of mine, as it has been awhile. I have been really busy lately, which has been good, and yet I am hoping that this weekend will slow and relaxing.
Yesterday was RA appreciation day. The student leaders were taken out for breakfast, and then my girls took me out for supper in Steinbach to Smitty's! It was such a blessing. Sometimes I get panicky that I am not doing the greatest job as an RA, and I wish I could offer these girls something more. They are so amazing and cool. I like them so much. They are very accepting of me as their leader, even though I know many of them would do just as great a job if not better than I.
I decided to be an RA again next year, although it is very difficult to think that far ahead. I am still wondering how my summer is going to go. I don't know where I am going to work yet which is occasionally worriesome, but I'm trying not to worry so much.
I am really tired today, which is undoubtably a product of living such a busy life in the last while. I feel like I am running around all the time, going to meetings, writing papers, eating meals, going to class, going to the chiropractor. I have to be adjusted 3 times a week. My parents worried me cause they told me about a girl who was paralyzed when she had her neck adjusted. I was so scared to go the next time, but I found out that there is a 1 in 5.8 million chance that could happen which made me feel a little better. It makes me feel a little safer knowing that there is a more likely chance of being in a car accident than having my neck adjusted wrong and becoming paralysed...although I am in cars a lot...hmmmmm. I suppose I should just stop worrying and actually live my life. Yes. That is a good idea.
I thought about what to give up for Lent and I couldn't think of anything. I wanted to choose something that is very hard for me, like deserts or something, but I did that last year, and I really don't eat that many anyway. And then I considered movies and TV, but I watch it so rarely, that it really wouldn't make much difference. So what then? A girl in my dorm is giving up wearing mismatching socks. I wish I had that much creativity. hmmmm. This will take some thought.
Yesterday was RA appreciation day. The student leaders were taken out for breakfast, and then my girls took me out for supper in Steinbach to Smitty's! It was such a blessing. Sometimes I get panicky that I am not doing the greatest job as an RA, and I wish I could offer these girls something more. They are so amazing and cool. I like them so much. They are very accepting of me as their leader, even though I know many of them would do just as great a job if not better than I.
I decided to be an RA again next year, although it is very difficult to think that far ahead. I am still wondering how my summer is going to go. I don't know where I am going to work yet which is occasionally worriesome, but I'm trying not to worry so much.
I am really tired today, which is undoubtably a product of living such a busy life in the last while. I feel like I am running around all the time, going to meetings, writing papers, eating meals, going to class, going to the chiropractor. I have to be adjusted 3 times a week. My parents worried me cause they told me about a girl who was paralyzed when she had her neck adjusted. I was so scared to go the next time, but I found out that there is a 1 in 5.8 million chance that could happen which made me feel a little better. It makes me feel a little safer knowing that there is a more likely chance of being in a car accident than having my neck adjusted wrong and becoming paralysed...although I am in cars a lot...hmmmmm. I suppose I should just stop worrying and actually live my life. Yes. That is a good idea.
I thought about what to give up for Lent and I couldn't think of anything. I wanted to choose something that is very hard for me, like deserts or something, but I did that last year, and I really don't eat that many anyway. And then I considered movies and TV, but I watch it so rarely, that it really wouldn't make much difference. So what then? A girl in my dorm is giving up wearing mismatching socks. I wish I had that much creativity. hmmmm. This will take some thought.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
I have been working in the library for 3 and a half hours now, and I feel somewhat accomplished even though I know I have barely scratched the surface. I like the library, but sometimes it is very difficult to work there and be content with the subject I am struggling with. I want to research things OTHER than what I am being graded on. I have been researching the Great Commission found in Matthew 28:16. I think what stuck out to me the most in the process of my research was what one scholar said (I don't remember who!). He said that learning is a never ending process. As a Christian I should never cease to strive to learn new things. That is both an exciting and tiring thought.
Other than homework my life is very good. I am eating well, exercising often, and spending some time with God. I have been reading Brennan Manning's book, Abba's Child, and I am very excited, relieved, and nourished by what he says. Dorm life is good. I don't know what to do for care group. I am running out of ideas...Any thoughts???
Well, it is soon to be supper time, and I am so hungry. I'm afraid that rice crackers just aren't doing it for me. Until next time...
Other than homework my life is very good. I am eating well, exercising often, and spending some time with God. I have been reading Brennan Manning's book, Abba's Child, and I am very excited, relieved, and nourished by what he says. Dorm life is good. I don't know what to do for care group. I am running out of ideas...Any thoughts???
Well, it is soon to be supper time, and I am so hungry. I'm afraid that rice crackers just aren't doing it for me. Until next time...
Monday, January 22, 2007
An update of sorts
Well, apparently it is no longer Christmas, so it is therefore time to write something on my blog. Life is good. The End.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Christmas Pictures
Here are a couple of pictures of my Christmas holiday thus far. I went skating on our neighbour's cute outdoor skating rink last night. It was great fun until the end when I fell over and got a big bruise on my knee.
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