Saturday, May 31, 2008

Well, I have a slight headache. I realize that at this moment, sleep is my best option, but while my body is complaining with weariness, my mind seems to moving at this pretty intense speed. I have learned that at these moments, it is best to go with the flow, and follow the inspiration. Except I don't have any inspiring words....just random thoughts that keep bumping around my brain. Sigh.

I have been thinking that I have gifts. They are not easily definable ones. But they are there, I'm sure of it. And I want to use them, but I don't know how....yet. There is some stuff going on with my church, particularly with the youth. And I am frustrated. There is so much need, but I don't know where I belong. In this case, it is not really that the workers are few, but rather that the work is very messy and complicated and difficult to do.

I have also been thinking about how lately I have been struggling with two things, 1. PRIDE and 2. FEELING TOO HARD (aka being too sensitive). The pride thing is something that I thought I didn't really have too much of a problem with. I thought I was actually pretty humble. But lately things, I don't know what exactly, have been happening, that have been making me aware that I care deeply how my actions may appear to other people. I want to look perfect and cool and HUMBLE! Kinda ironic. And the feeling stuff is really quite annoying. I wish I didn't care what people think, and I could live my life being calm and confident all the time. But I deeply about certain things that it scares me. It is really rather exhausting.

Here's my last is a good one. I can't remember, errrg. ummm.
Darn it. My mind is completely blank. I suppose I should sleep then. This thought really was quite brilliant though...

1 comment:

Janna said...

You do have gifts, Jennie! I like what you said about humility. C.S. Lewis has some good stuff to say about pride. He talks about the more humble we think we are, the less humble we are in reality. Have you read Mere Christianity? Anyways, I hope that things work out at your church and that you feel that you find your place in the midst of all the stuff going on. I love you!